Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is set to take the stand this Tuesday in a trial that has captivated a nation and at least a few bored tourists. Accused of corruption, bribery, and generally being a very naughty politician, Netanyahu’s defense strategy is said to include a series of creative excuses and a detailed explanation of his premium cheese plate. In an unprecedented move, Netanyahu has reportedly hired a gourmet chef to craft the very cheese platter that he claims is at the root of all his legal woes. “It’s not about the allegations of bribery,” he will assert, “it’s about the fine brie and aged gouda they don’t want you to see.” According to sources, the prime minister will argue that his extensive cheese collection was a legitimate gift from benefactors eager to foster diplomatic relations—one slice of cheddar at a time. Netanyahu is expected to elaborate on “Case 1000,” where it’s alleged he received gifts worth hundreds of thousands, including luxurious cigars and champagne. “Well, what's a guy to do?” Netanyahu might quip while rearranging mini crackers on the jury's table. “I had to maintain the image of a world-class leader. And you can’t host negotiations on state matters without a fine selection of cheeses!” In “Case 2000,” where he allegedly negotiated favorable media coverage, attendees at the trial may be treated to a behind-the-scenes presentation of his PR strategy, which conspicuously includes photos of his Instagram-ready cheese boards. “You see,” Netanyahu will argue, “good publicity is about presenting the perfect picture. And what better representation of my leadership than a well-curated cheese display?” The pièce de résistance might come during discussions of “Case 4000,” which deals with supposed favoritism towards a telecom mogul in exchange for favorable news coverage. Sources hint Netanyahu will propose that this arrangement was simply a way to allow for live-streaming cheese tastings, claiming, “Who doesn’t want to see a prime minister enjoy a fondue pot while talking peace negotiations?” Observers anticipate a spectacle that could rival reality TV, with the stand-up comedian-turned-prime-minister mixing humor with his testimony. “I’m not here to defend my innocence,” Netanyahu may declare with a toothy grin, “but rather to defend my cheese plate!" As the trial unfolds, citizens are left to ponder a pressing question: will Netanyahu’s culinary creations exonerate him, or is he just serving up a platter of excuses? For now, everyone’s waiting, some with a bit of popcorn, others with a side of crackers.