Navigating the High Seas of Pregnancy: How Mary Ann Patten Proved You Don’t Need a Captain, Just a Baby Bump and Grit Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round as we embarks on a thrilling—and let’s be honest, slightly absurd—adventure through the high seas of pregnancy with none other than the infamous Mary Ann Patten, the first female commander of an American merchant vessel. You see, while most expectant mothers are busy nesting, binge-watching baby shark documentaries, or perfecting their cookie-baking skills, Mary Ann was donning her captain’s hat (which definitely can’t accommodate a baby bump quite as stylishly) and heroically steering the clipper ship Neptune’s Car towards fortune and new adventure—quite literally! Now, let’s set the scene. It’s 1856, and Mary Ann’s husband Joshua, the ship’s captain, has decided that maintaining captainly duties is just too exhausting—poor fellow! But while most of us might consider lounging on a fainting couch or indulging in pickles and ice cream when fatigue strikes, Mary Ann took to the helm. Because, after all, what’s a little thing like pregnancy when there’s a mutiny brewing and shipping routes to San Francisco to conquer? The audacity! Imagine the crew—you’d think a bunch of salty sea dogs would be thrilled to have a woman, let alone a pregnant one, take charge. But alas! A mutiny ensued…the only thing more alarming than giant waves crashing against a wooden ship was, evidently, a baby bump behind the wheel. “How dare she!” they must have said, fists flying in indignation. But Mary Ann wasn’t going to let a few miffed marinara miscreants get in the way of her nautical dreams. Instead, she faced them down with a fierce glare that, if history is to be believed, could probably reduce even the fiercest pirate to a whimpering, groveling tail between the legs kind of mess. Ah, but the trials didn’t stop at mutiny! No, of course not! With a baby swirling around her womb like a disco ball lost atop a turbulent sea, Mary Ann had to negotiate her way through storms—both meteorological and hormonal. The weather was one thing; it was the mood swings of her crew that were truly unpredictable! One minute they were riotously shoving grudges and grievances over non-existent cabbage provisions; the next they were misty-eyed at the notion of a woman leading them to glory. Who knew that the key to a successful mutiny’s prevention lay in the unique combination of hormonal overdrive and an exceptionally pregnant belly? And let us not forget the navigation—while most expectant mothers might consult Pinterest for nursery ideas, Mary Ann apparently consulted no such things. No, she charted her course by pristine maps and a fierce spirit—along with the secret weapon of instinct, shaped by nine months of pregnancy preparation training. “Left? Right? Heck, it’s all an adventure,” she probably thought, skillfully using her belly as a compass of sorts. The ocean waves themselves must have quivered in anticipation; surely, they had never seen a captain so singularly focused on both baby names and keeping the ship afloat amidst brewing storms! At the ripe age of 19, Mary Ann sailed her vessel straight into San Francisco harbor, proving that her greatest multitasking ability was juggling the daunting expectation of impending motherhood while simultaneously donning a captain’s hat. “Look, Ma! No hands!” she might have shouted as she navigated her ship into port—all while suppressing the insidious desire for, perhaps, just one more plate of pickles. So, as we reflect on Mary Ann Patten’s captivating—and quite humorous—journey through the high seas of pregnancy, we find it’s a tale of grit, determination, and surprise nautical prowess. Forget the traditional narrative that says a captain is just a seasoned sailor; Mary Ann proved that sometimes, the real secret to success is a baby bump, a healthy dose of audacity and, let’s be honest, the sea salt’s magical ability to mask the scent of sea-dog mutinies. So let us raise our glasses—filled with rum or ginger ale, or perhaps a kale smoothie for those trendy types—to Mary Ann Patten, the woman who showed us that when nothing goes as planned, just steer your ship into greatness, baby bump and all!