In a shocking and unprecedented turn of events, scientists have confirmed that natural disasters have officially chosen to engage in a form of wealth redistribution, favoring white populations across the globe. After years of devastating hurricanes, wildfires, and floods decimating communities, it appears that Mother Nature has a peculiar sense of humor and a preference for demographics. "Forget about climate change causing financial strain—we're entering an era where tornadoes exclusively target homes on the wrong side of the tracks, and earthquakes politely leave upscale neighborhoods intact," stated Dr. H. Arbuckle, a climatologist at the Institute for Unethical Weather Studies (IUWS). "It's almost as if nature has reviewed social equity studies and decided to go rogue." Reports are flooding in from various regions, confirming that when a hurricane roared through a predominantly affluent white suburb, it magically veered left at the last moment to leave the local golf course untouched while demolishing the trailers down by the river. Residents were shocked—yet oddly relieved—as they discovered their precious avocado toast cafes and artisanal dog-washing services remained unscathed. The trend of disasters being “racially selective” has raised eyebrows across the scientific community and social media platforms alike. The hashtag #MotherNatureIsWoke started trending on Twitter, with influencers basking in the irony that even climate change seems to reflect societal inequities. As media coverage examines the latest catastrophic blizzard that hit a predominantly white ski resort while skipping a nearby populated area, analysts are calling for action. The newly formed Natural Disaster Justice Coalition is demanding that Mother Nature be held accountable for the apparent bias. “We need to know why the cyclones seem to have an affinity for the rich,” protested activist Sandy Landerson, donned in her best thrift store attire. “I mean, just look at how these catastrophes are systematically avoiding people of color—you’d think tornadoes have begun receiving diversity training. It’s absurd!” In response, a spokesperson for Mother Nature issued a statement through her public relations firm, “Wild Weather, Inc.”: “Rest assured, I don’t discriminate. I target populations based on their material wealth. If you’re living lavishly while others are struggling, well, I think you know what’s coming. Brace yourselves!” Meanwhile, insurance companies have begun to change their underwriting processes. A growing group of brokers are now factoring demographic risks into their calculations and offering premiums tailored specifically for non-white populations, who apparently have a greater chance of getting hit by floods that don’t discriminate against their socioeconomic status. Not to be outdone, real estate developers are now pitching disaster-proof luxury homes exclusively for white clientele. “This is an investment in long-term stability. With the current trends of Mother Nature selectively propping up white homeowners, we’ll be making bank,” said a smug developer at an upscale cocktail party. As natural disasters continue to wreak havoc with uncanny precision, communities are left wondering what’s next. Will wildfires choose favorites based on zip codes? Will standing water in the streets learn to discriminate based on racial demographics? Only time will tell, but for now, everyone is left to ponder whether Mother Nature truly fits the role of the socially conscious wealth redistributor or simply has a bad case of mischief—armed with unpredictable storms and an apparent bias that’s entirely too on-the-nose.