In an unexpected turn of events following Donald Trump's reelection, the nation has seen a resurgence in birth control stockpiling that rivals the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. Reports indicate that women across the country are racing to secure their reproductive futures, hoarding everything from IUDs to emergency contraceptives at a breakneck pace. Panic set in as Dr. Clayton Alfonso, a reproductive healthcare provider, received a flood of desperate messages from patients eager to replace their IUDs and seeking permanent sterilization options. “One patient texted me just hours after the election,” Dr. Alfonso recounted. “She wanted to know how quickly she could get a tubal ligation. Apparently, she believes that a post-Trump world will be more ‘complicated’ than a Netflix subscription.” Medical professionals have reported a staggering increase in requests for long-term birth control. Women have taken to social media to share their new “stockpiling tips” for reproductive health. A TikTok challenge, dubbed the “Contraceptive Challenge,” encourages users to show off their birth control stash and discuss their strategies for ensuring they don’t run out amidst imaginary bans, sparking a trend that’s reminiscent of everything from viral dance moves to the latest avocado toast recipes. Pharmacies have also noticed the shift, with emergency contraception flying off the shelves faster than candy on Halloween. Many stores are implementing limits on how many packs of Plan B one can purchase, leading to fierce competition among anxious purchasers. “It’s been wild,” said one pharmacy manager. “We’ve had people fighting over the last pack like it was a Black Friday TV.” Meanwhile, online retailers specializing in contraceptives are reporting a boom in sales, with some even marketing novelty “emergency contraception kits” that come in cute, travel-friendly packages. “It’s like Pokémon,” one entrepreneur said, “Gotta Catch ‘Em All — but instead of Pokémon, it’s birth control options!” In response to these rising demands, some doctors are holding “birth control festivals” where women can receive free consultations, stock up on various contraceptives, and attend workshops on reproductive rights. Attendees have reported feeling empowered by the gathering, chanting slogans like, "No womb left behind!" as they joyfully embrace their new lifestyle as birth control barons. However, the wave of birth control stockpile enthusiasm isn't without its critics. Critics argue that this is a classic case of “overreaction to an election cycle.” One prominent commentator noted, “Women should invest in something less ephemeral than birth control; like cryptocurrencies or maybe, I don’t know, actual toilet paper?” As the nation braces for a future many fear may threaten their reproductive autonomy, women from all walks of life band together to stockpile contraception with the fervor of a doomsday prepper. After all, in this brave new world, it seems the only certainty is that you can never have too much birth control—or toilet paper, for that matter.