In a shocking twist that has left astronauts And space enthusiasts scratching their heads, NASA has decided that a couple of human beings are just too pedestrian for their latest spacecraft adventure. Instead of bringing back the brave astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams from their unintended "extended vacation" aboard the Boeing Starliner, NASA has opted for a more modern approach—because who really needs astronauts anyway? “We live in the age of technology," explained NASA Administrator Bob Nofun. "Why send human beings up there when we can just send a shiny, malfunctioning capsule and call it 'exploration'? It’s practically the same thing. Just think of it as a weekend getaway to a really, really high hotel, minus the room service. Butch and Suni are basically our first guests to experience space just the way we wanted it: without any pesky life support issues ruining the ambiance.” The decision arose after engineers discovered a small technical hiccup—or as they like to call it in the space biz, a "helium leak." Apparently, the Starliner decided to throw a pre-launch tantrum, causing some thrusters to misbehave. “It’s like when your car doesn’t start on the first cold morning of the year,” said a NASA technician who wished to remain anonymous. “Except this time, the car is floating in orbit and has taken our astronauts on an imprompto getaway where they get to watch the world spin below them while we scramble to fix the problem. I mean, who wouldn’t want that?” While many might argue that humans have long been the primary passengers in space travel, NASA is more focused on reducing costs and administrative hassle. After all, training astronauts isn’t cheap. “Why pay for extravagant meals, mission training, and insurance policies for two astronauts when you can simply send up a capsule that doesn’t need bathroom breaks?” Nofun exclaimed. “Space is the future, and we’re just trying to save a buck while we’re at it.” In the meantime, it’s reported that Wilmore and Williams are enjoying some quality time among the stars, from stargazing to intricate card games in zero gravity. “It’s not so bad up here,” Williams stated via a live feed. “They’ve got an endless supply of pre-packaged meals and, hey, the view is to die for. Who needs to come back to Earth, anyway? Plus, we might still break some records for longest space vacation. How's that for being ahead in the cosmic game?” While bureaucratic red tape ties up the fate of the Starliner’s astronauts, NASA is already working on their next bold plan: the Space Hotel, where “bookings live-streamed from orbit” shall be the norm. Reservations are expected to open soon, provided they can manage to figure out how to land the astronauts and the capsule all in one piece. Until then, it seems Butch and Suni are the lucky winners of NASA’s “Space Staycation Sweepstakes,” living the dream while humankind watches from the comfort of their couches, popcorn in hand, and a healthy dose of disbelief at how far modern technology has come. Because clearly, who needs astronauts when you have a fancy capsule vacation?