Munich has officially declared itself "Rally Central" following a shocking incident that saw a driver swap his Uber for an impromptu "Ramming Rally" just in time for the highly anticipated Munich Security Conference. The driver, whose intentions remain as clear as the German skies in winter, was seen barreling through a crowd of bewildered protestors before abandoning his vehicle in favor of a more pedestrian approach to chaos. Witnesses reported that the driver yelled “Uber? No thanks, I prefer Kyle’s Kooky Carpool!” as he sped past bewildered onlookers, who were initially there to discuss labor rights and union benefits. Ironically, the rally was organized by transport workers who didn’t seem to appreciate the unsolicited addition to their agenda. Chancellor Olaf Scholz was quick to respond, labeling the driver as the “Einstein of Idiocy,” adding, “He must be punished and, ideally, be transported to an alternate dimension where common sense prevails.” He further announced that the driver has been banned from all future German car services and is to face a uniquely German punishment—schadenfreude education classes. Amidst the melee, influential figures, including Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelensky and US Vice President JD Vance, were preparing for the security conference that coincidentally had a focus on global disorder. Vance stated, “I was going to welcome everyone with an olive branch, but now I’m thinking we need to hand out instructions on how to flee vehicular madness first.” As authorities scrambled to manage the fallout from the rogue driver’s escapade, locals began setting up an “Escape Cars” booth not far from the scene, promising to offer rides to safety—complete with complimentary pretzels and beer. “We might as well turn this into a festival,” said one vendor. “If the world leaders can’t resolve chaos, at least we can enjoy it with a bratwurst in hand!” The "Ramming Rally" has triggered a wave of discussions about how best to secure future events while preventing any repeat of this vehicular debacle. Suggestions include traffic cones, better signage, and a suggestion box for alternative rallying methods—balloons and clowns were mentioned but promptly vetoed for fear of an entirely different kind of chaos. As the Munich Security Conference kicks off, participants are advised to look both ways—especially if they spot a vehicle being driven with reckless abandon. And if anyone sees the Uber driver, they’re warned not to offer him a ride—unless, of course, it comes with a side of irony.