In a dramatic turn of events, the President of Monrovia has taken to the airwaves, imploring citizens to embrace civility in the face of rising tensions over pothole repairs and rogue goats running amok in the capital’s streets. During a televised address that many are calling an instant classic, the President humorously warned, “If you don’t stop throwing trash at each other, I’ll personally break out the brooms, and nobody wants to see that!” The backdrop of the address was not what one might expect from a state address—no flags, no serious expressions. Instead, the President stood in front of a giant poster that read “Let’s Keep It Clean, Monrovia!” adorned with glitter and a playful cartoon goat. In a bold move to rally the citizens, she held up a broom as a physical manifestation of the consequences of continued rowdiness. Civility has plummeted to a historic low after a heated debate last week regarding which neighborhood should claim the title of “Best Place to Avoid Potholes.” Tensions peaked when the residents of Upper Main Street started a rumor that Lower Main Street was secretly launching an underground goat creamery as a means of smuggling in fake pothole excuses. In a cheeky bid to channel the nation’s frustrations into something constructive, the President proposed a new community program: “Sweep It Under the Rug—A Cleanup Challenge.” Citizens can participate by picking up trash while reciting poetry about cleanliness and civility. “We may not have clean streets, but we will have clean rhymes!” she exclaimed, eliciting a mix of laughter and head-scratching from viewers. Meanwhile, the city council is reportedly in discussions over whether to officially designate “Rogue Goat Days,” where citizens can dress their goats in costumes and parade them down the streets—all in the name of fostering friendly competition and reducing hostility. The hope is that goat-cutting-edge polka music can soothe frayed nerves while inspiring a wave of civic pride. The opposition party has proposed a counter-challenge: “The Great Pothole Debate of 2023,” which will be held in the largest pothole in the capital—a strategic move to attract throngs of interested participants. They’ve also suggested a goat race on the day of the debate, believing it will distract the public long enough to make a compelling argument against the sitting administration. In an effort to quell the chaos, local comedian “Funny Freddy” has been enlisted to host an all-civility comedy night. “We’re going to laugh our way into cleanliness!” he declared, adding, “And if we can’t clean it up, at least we can poke fun at how messy it is!” Meanwhile, the President’s advisors have shipped in industrial-sized brooms and a lifetime supply of glitter in case the situation escalates. These preventative measures have sparked a grassroots movement dubbed "Broom Revolution," where citizens are encouraged to decorate their brooms with encouraging slogans like “Sweep Away Negativity!” and “Don’t Be Trashy—Pick It Up!” As Monrovians gather for what some are calling the “Festival of Civility,” one thing is certain: when life gives you potholes and rogue goats, you grab a broom, throw in a few puns, and maybe, just maybe, keep the madness to a minimum—at least until next week’s goat race!