Milan Aims to "Rescue" Chelsea's Loftus-Cheek from Bench-Warming Purgatory, Arsenal Locks Down Golden Benchwarmers for Eternity Italian club Milan has launched a bold mission to "rescue" Ruben Loftus-Cheek, the chronically-benched Chelsea midfielder, by offering him a fresh start away from the perpetual frustration of his boyhood club. Biblical scholars and inspirational self-help gurus alike are applauding this merciful and altruistic attempt to save the damsel in distress, who has spent eons warming the Chelsea bench on cold, rainy weeknights in England. The England international's contract has one year to run, a fact that has millions of soccer fans worldwide gripped with excitement as they eagerly await the soap opera-like transfer saga that will undoubtedly capture the imagination of tabloid headline writers. Milan's management are licking their lips at the prospect of adding another sidelined English player to their collection, having already made trophies of former Chelsea wallflowers Fikayo Tomori and Oliver Giroud. Meanwhile, Arsenal, famed for their historically impeccable financial management, have acted swiftly to secure the long-term futures of their own benchwarming poster boys, Aaron Ramsdale and Bukayo Saka. Word on the street is that the Golden Benchwarmer duo will follow in the footsteps of such legendary Arsenal figures as Andrey Arshavin and Nicklas Bendtner, who made their names sitting on their glorious behinds and at times performing football-esque antics on the field. Ramsdale has already put pen to paper on a new Arsenal contract, and it's believed that Saka is dangerously close to making the same life-altering decision. Sources close to both players reveal that the pair consider joining the elite club of lifetime benchwarmers as Arsenal as a "dream come true" and "a just reward for years spent practicing their sitting and water bottle-sipping skills." Soccer fans worldwide eagerly await the highly anticipated clashes between Arsenal and Milan in the prestigious "Benchwarmer Champions League," where the two clubs will no doubt battle it out to claim the coveted Golden Cushion trophy!