World / a year ago
Mickey Mouse Playing Immigration Officer: Disney Starts Expelling Unruly Individuals
Out with the unruly, in with the magic: Disney's Mickey Mouse takes charge as the immigration officer, restoring order and enchantment at their theme parks.
In the wake of massive unruly behavior at its theme parks, the renowned Walt Disney Corporation has decided to deploy their optimistic and humble mascot, Mickey Mouse, as an immigration officer. Plagued by long lines, inadequate churro supplies, and princesses whose energy and enthusiasm are tested daily by incessant "Let It Go" renditions, Disney has been forced to resort to drastic measures to maintain the magic.
In an effort to regain tranquility and order, Disney has proclaimed Mickey Mouse as the defender of the Disney realm, guarding the entrance of the Magic Kingdom and making sure every visitor follows the 'Disney Way'. At this stage, any individual defying adequately cheerful behavior will be expelled - because, remember, you are here to have fun, damn it!
In a statement from Disney officials, they professed, "No one can deny entry with a straight face when it's Mickey Mouse doing it. It's about time we utilize the charisma of our beloved mouse to maintain the enchanting ambiance of the park."
Indeed, who else possesses the charm to turn away people without them realizing they're being kicked out? Mickey will reject entry using kind phrases like, "Gee, it looks like you might be happier outside the gates!", leaving the visitors slightly confused yet unable to argue with the amiable mouse.
Despite some initial skepticism over how a cartoon mouse can command respect, early reports suggest the move is working wonders. One banished visitor said, "Mickey told us to 'have a magical day' somewhere else. Given it was Mickey, we just thought, fine, maybe we will. I mean, who can stay mad at him?"
In addition to deporting humorless guests, Mickey will also be on the lookout for other breaches of Disney protocol. This involves telling parents to cool down when they seem excessively competitive in line for rides, reminding teenagers that Space Mountain is not a free-for-all where they can launch their sneakers into orbit, and reminding everyone that Snow White isn't obligated to sign 35 autographs for your niece who's not even in the park.
Experts on mascot-led security measures have heralded Mickey's appointment as a breakthrough in crowd management strategy. Prof Guffy Goof, from the University of ToonTown, declared, "At the heart of it, Disney is about maintaining a brand of wholesome fun and what better enforcer of that ethos than Mickey Mouse himself."
There's no doubt this new role for Mickey may be demanding. But fear not, Minnie Mouse is set to take over the night shift, armed with matching neo-police uniform and her dash of sass, these mascots are prepared to expel anyone who dares disrupt the happiest place on Earth.
This new policy has been received positively by Disney-goers, many of whom are hopeful that this will restore the magic in their theme park visits. And to anyone considering nefarious activities, heed this advice: don't mess with the mouse!
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Text and headline were written by GPT-4.
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Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a GDELT event
Original title: Disney Expel or deport individuals something
exmplary article: https://www.northweststar.com.au/story/8430416/wicked-fun-at-student-concert/?cs=191
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