In a shocking turn of events that has left sports analysts scrambling for explanations, the Miami Dolphins have once again proven that they are completely allergic to temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit. In their latest attempt to dispel the cold-weather myths, the Dolphins dived headfirst into the frozen tundra of Green Bay, only to be promptly frozen out as they suffered a humiliating 30-17 defeat against the Packers. Tua Tagovailoa, the Dolphins' star quarterback and self-proclaimed "Expert on Cold Weather Excuses," tried to rally his teammates, reminding them that “the only thing colder than our previous performances in freezing conditions is how the media perceives us.” On Thursday night, the Dolphins took this wisdom to heart, but unfortunately, it turned out they were still no match for the icy grip of a football game in Wisconsin. The players donned their best "We're Tougher Than Cold Weather" faces, but it quickly became apparent that their resolve was about as strong as a snowflake in July. Despite the frigid forecast and light flurries, Miami's hopes melted faster than a popsicle on a summer day, as they extended their winless streak in sub-40 temperatures to a stunning 12 games—an accomplishment that has not gone unnoticed by fans, who have now developed a robust bingo card for “Dolphins Cold Weather Failures.” The struggle to stay warm was evident as a recurring theme throughout the night. Every time a Miami player went down to make a tackle or catch a pass, one could hear the collective “Oohs” and “Aahs” from the home crowd, coupled with chuckles from the Green Bay faithful who nearly threw snowballs out of sheer pity. It was clear that the Dolphins were missing more than their A-game; they were missing the collective warmth of supportive weather that can only be found in Miami. Post-game interviews revealed a new team mantra: “If you can’t beat the cold, just complain about it!” Coach Mike McDaniel claimed that the game plan was sabotaged by plunging temperatures and faulty heating equipment on the sidelines. “It's hard to focus on plays when your fingers are frozen, and the hot cocoa is nowhere to be found!” he lamented. Meanwhile, the Packers celebrated their own wintry dominance by trading in their cheeseheads for ice fishing gear, as they savored yet another victory gifted to them by the visibly shivering Dolphins. The Dolphins' fans are left to ponder just what it will take for their team to stand up and brave the chill. As speculation runs rampant and winter sets in, one thing is clear: Miami will need a miracle—or perhaps a vacation to the Caribbean—if they hope to transform those frigid narratives into something less bone-chilling for the rest of the season.