In a bold move that has left local citizens both amused and bewildered, Mayor Chuck Laffington of Grumbletown launched a new initiative this week titled “Snack and Distract,” aimed at addressing the city’s notoriously terrible traffic. The Mayor, donning a fluorescent safety vest over a Hawaiian shirt, held a press conference outside City Hall surrounded by an overwhelming assortment of snacks, from mini pretzels to colorful gummy bears. “Look, folks, we all know our traffic situation is a bit… well, let’s just say it’s a giant mess,” Laffington began, his voice oozing with sincerity that was sharply undercut by a nearby cotton candy machine spitting out sugary clouds. “But instead of actual solutions, we decided to throw some snacks into the mix. After all, who wouldn’t want to munch on some nachos while sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic? We’re calling it ‘culinary congestion!’” The Mayor explained that the city is currently broke and, after extensive consultations with the top minds in public distraction—who just so happened to be his friends from the local barbecue joint—he decided that temporarily distracting the public with free food was the best stopgap measure, at least until the annual town fair. “Studies show that people can endure anything if they’re well-fed,” Laffington added, gesturing wildly at a towering inflatable hot dog beside him. “And if donuts and chips can soothe the soul while you’re stuck at a red light for what feels like a millennium, then sign us up!” Local traffic expert, Dr. I.C. Rufus, expressed skepticism over the Mayor's approach. “I don’t think bags of popcorn are going to do much about the actual gridlock,” Rufus said while struggling to open a sticky bag of caramel corn. “But hey, who am I to argue? I’m here for the snacks!” The initiative rolls out next week, complete with cheerful traffic cones decked out in smiley faces and cheerleaders tossing popcorn into cars at key intersections. Residents will also receive a “Snack Pass” that allows them to claim free food items at various congestion hotspots—though they could just as well use it as a makeshift seatbelt in their slowly crawling vehicles. Laffington paired this announcement with a charming plea for patience. “Remember, as your engines idle, your taste buds will be delighted! Just think of this as ‘delayed gratification’—both in traffic and in snacking,” he encouraged, preceding a mini-parade of local clowns juggling bags of chips down Main Street. Although the plan has drawn laughs, some residents are excited about the opportunity. “Honestly, if it means I can munch on doughnuts while I’m trapped behind this old lady who doesn’t know how to merge, I’m game,” said lifelong Grumbletown resident Betty Biscuit, who holds the unofficial record for longest time spent waiting at the same stoplight. As citizens brace themselves for what may be a less-than-traffic solution, many are left wondering if next year’s budget might just include a “Crisis Comfort Food Fund.” For now, though, one thing is clear: in Grumbletown, when life gives you red lights, make nachos.