In a shocking turn of events that has left the cycling world reeling, Matteo Jorgenson, the reigning Paris-Nice champion and Jumbo-Visma superstar, is reportedly launching a subscription service to provide fans with live updates on his ever-expanding trophy collection. The 20-year-old American cyclist, who has just clinched his second consecutive Paris-Nice title, announced the initiative after finishing second in the final stage, where fellow American Magnus Sheffield took home the day’s glory. “Honestly, what’s more exciting than watching me win? Knowing what I’m going to win next!” Jorgenson quipped during a post-race interview, confusing reporters and fans alike. The subscription model, dubbed "Jorgenson's Jewels," offers a tiered pricing structure for avid fans. For just $9.99 a month, subscribers will receive exclusive access to live streams of Jorgenson polishing his trophies. Premium subscribers at $19.99 a month will also gain access to a virtual tour of his trophy room, complete with commentary from Jorgenson about each title’s backstory and how many hours of painful training went into acquiring them. A final $29.99 option will offer subscribers the chance to virtually “hold” a trophy in a digital simulation—a feature Jorgenson claims will help fans “feel the weight of victory” though skeptics wonder how this can be done without even leaving the couch. “I think it’s the next logical step in sports entertainment,” Jorgenson’s agent stated while trying to balance his own myriad of sponsorship deals. “We’ve seen players turn their lives into brands, so why not turn victory into a subscription service? It’s the future!” To amplify the absurdity, the young champion hinted that he may also launch a line of merchandise that includes miniatures of his trophies, collectible trading cards, and perhaps a dazzling calendar titled "Matteo Jorgenson: The Man, The Myth, The Medals." Each month will feature a photo of Jorgenson standing triumphantly next to a different trophy, with motivational quotes like, “There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there’s definitely ‘Matteo’ in ‘champion.’” As excitement grows, cycling critics are not convinced that a trophy subscription service is the way to elevate the sport. One accuser referred to it as “a hollow victory laced with commercialism,” while others merely scoff at the idea of trying to monetize a sport known for its sweat and grit. But Jorgenson believes his success will help him break barriers in sports marketing. “If I can win two Paris-Nice titles in a row, what’s stopping me from becoming the next big thing in subscription entertainment?” he claimed, not considering how many hours he would have to train just to keep up with the demands of his new venture. Once again, Jorgenson emphasizes his commitment to winning, both on and off the road. Just this week, he proposed an expansion of his brand to include cooking tutorials where he shares diet tips on how to fuel a winning cyclist body, alongside tips on how to craft the perfect celebratory post-race dinner. As we watch the cycling champion shift gears from racing to revenue, one question remains: will fans subscribe to the series, or is this just another uphill climb for a cyclist looking for new paths to glory? Only time—and a few racing medals—will tell.