The Hague was plunged into chaos over the weekend as global warming, manifesting itself as a mass of rebellious tree huggers, staged a sit-in in the city center. In an unprecedented "extinction of freedom," over 1,500 climate activists were placed in handcuffs and taken into custody. Many arrived in their electric cars, only to find that The Hague Police had swiped their charging cords and left them stranded like beached whales lamenting the melting icebergs. City officials had repeatedly warned the climate activists not to gather anywhere other than the officially designated protest zone for global warming, known as the Malieveld—a site fortified with barbed wire fences and a heavy police presence. However, the congregation of environmental saviors were not deterred in their mission to combat their arch-enemy, the supervillain Mr. Pollution, a notorious figure previously seen hanging around with equally repugnant entities, such as Big Oil, Fast Fashion, and Plastic Straws. Police arrived on segways to surround the climate activists, initially hoping to mistake them for an impromptu yoga gathering gone wild. However, the weather gods themselves seemed to be conspiring against the forces of justice, as sudden downpours of rain created a muddy quagmire that forced the police to trudge through mud. This awful experience of negotiating environmentally-induced obstacles will fuel many a dark and stormy night's nightmares for the cops in the coming weeks. The officers eventually managed to cuff 1,500 climate protesters, undoubtedly setting a new world record while simultaneously displaying their impeccable talent for hog-tying attempts at saving the planet. Remarkably, only a few policemen were reported to have sustained minor injuries during the process, such as paper cuts from the eco-friendly protest signs. This mass extinction of freedom was met with global outrage, although the bulk of it came from those who found the term "climate activist" to be downright offensive. "What do they mean by 'activists'?" one Twitter user blurted, "as if they're fighting for something important! Stick to your avocados and recycling bins where you belong!" Renowned political commentator and climate skeptic, Gill Bates, praised the police's efforts in stopping these so-called "tree-hugging hippies" from destroying the sanctity of shopping streets. While he sipped on a martini in his private jet, he scoffed at the protestors, exclaiming, "If they really want to save the environment, why don't they just plant a tree instead of sitting in the rain like frogs? Just because they refuse to carry umbrellas made from non-recycled materials, does not make them martyrs to the cause." In the wake of this mass arrest, one thing is clear: there is simply no room for exercising one's right to free speech and expression when the livelihood of corporations and the economy is at stake. In a world riddled with environmental catastrophes, political unrest, and social inequality, the real enemy is clearly those tenacious individuals who attempt to save us all from our inevitable doom. So, raise your plastic cups filled with polluted water to the true heroes—the ones fighting against any call to change our wasteful ways.