In a bold move to confront the dual threats of wildfires and urban sprawl, the city of Los Angeles has officially declared its new initiative: “Unprecedented Planning.” This ambitious plan aims to combine the thrill of living in a habitat known for both its beachfront views and its excitement of waking up to the smell of smoke and ash—often before even sipping your artisanal coffee. City officials gathered at the scenic Griffith Park, where they unveiled a giant, inflatable fire extinguisher to symbolize their commitment to safety amid the sprawling landscape of McMansions. “We want to thank our brave firefighters for their service while simultaneously adopting that ‘beach bonfire’ aesthetic in urban planning,” proclaimed Mayor Can’t-Believe-It-Imagined, who was dressed in flame-retardant chic. In a display of optimism that only an Angeleno could muster, the mayor noted that “wildfire season is basically the same as festival season. We’re not here to dampen spirits; we’re here to cultivate resilience.” Thus, city planners have proposed a series of “Fire Zones,” which will feature parks made entirely of dry grass and decorative wooden structures that double as kindling. Residents praised this innovative approach, describing it as “a fiery embrace of the outdoors.” Local environmentalists were quick to commend the city for its forward-thinking approach, stating that the new zoning code allows for home heating systems designed, of course, by a local artist specializing in avant-garde sculptures. “You know,” one activist stated, “if we are to be scorched by flames, we might as well do it in style.” The proposed “Unprecedented Planning” will also include annual “Fire Watch Sundays,” prompting citizens to celebrate their own ignorance by participating in a massive barbecue fueled by the unquenchable spirit of tragedy. “After all,” explained community organizer Blaze Peters, “what’s a little burnt ash compared to that perfect Instagram story? #LivingOnTheEdge.” In a show of unity, plans for future city infrastructure include beauty salons located conveniently next to emergency shelters to minimize downtime for residents who might need to tidy up in case of a sudden evacuation. “Why not look fabulous escaping a natural disaster?” one resident shouted from the crowd, wearing flip-flops and a bright orange tutu. In a truly unprecedented move, the LA City Council will continue its practice of finding fertile ground for new construction, with ads boasting “Buy Your House This Year—Before It’s Gone!” which has drawn a crowd of speculative buyers eager to live on the edge—quite literally. The Department of Real Estate has officially changed its motto to “Your Fire, Our Asset.” Meanwhile, experts weighed in on the plan. “In terms of sustainability, adding more people to an already congested area is a stroke of genius,” declared renowned urban planner Barry Airy. “After all, if everything goes up in flames, the wreckage creates more space, and we all know LA loves a good hipster community! It may just be the next hot neighborhood.” So, as wildfires and sprawl dance together across the horizon, the city of Los Angeles forges ahead with its ‘Unprecedented Planning.’ Should they choose not to embrace the inferno, they will surely find another way to turn flames into fame—or at least into a trending hashtag. Welcome to L.A., where even the wildfires have their own publicist, and urban sprawl is just part of the charm.