In a shocking turn of events that has left the small town of Dungog both bewildered and enraged, local police have issued a plea for help from its residents, citing the startling discovery that crime, much like that one relative who overstays their welcome, refuses to take a holiday. This revelation comes just in time for the festive season, as Dungog gears up for its annual “Peace and Quiet” month, which locals had assumed meant an actual break from lawlessness. “We thought with the holidays approaching, everyone would be too busy worrying about their Christmas shopping and making the perfect pavlova to engage in criminal activities,” said Officer Bill Disheveled, scratching his head in disbelief. “But it turns out, we were wrong. It appears criminals have a different interpretation of the holiday spirit—particularly the ‘spirit’ of stealing the neighborhood’s Wi-Fi and breaking into sheds for a spot of festive looting.” In what the police are calling a “puzzling crime wave,” residents have reported an uptick in everything from petty thefts of lawn gnomes to more serious infractions like the theft of the town’s prized giant inflatable Santa Claus. “I mean, who even steals a giant Santa? We’re a quaint little town, not a heist movie!” exclaimed local shopkeeper Mary Merryman, whose store became the latest target of cascading dullness, with thieves making off with a handful of fruitcakes. “They might as well have taken a few of my relatives because let me tell you, that fruitcake was practically criminal in itself!” As if things couldn’t get any worse, local authorities have reported that even the “nice” criminals—those who usually pause to say hello to your dog before robbing you—have seemed to retire their courteous ways. “It’s just so disheartening,” lamented Officer Disheveled. “They’ve lost their charm! Even the petty criminals are getting reckless. Yesterday, one guy tried to pickpocket a mannequin outside Emma’s Boutique. This is a new low for the art of crime.” In search of answers and perhaps a sliver of hope, the local police have decided to reach out to the public, suggesting that the community band together in a show of ‘let’s return to the enthusiasm of last Christmas’ vigor by reporting any suspicious activity. “If you see anything weird, like a car parked oddly or a neighbor wearing more than three layers to take out the trash, call us immediately,” urged Officer Disheveled. “It’s crucial everyone works together. After all, crime may not take a holiday—but that doesn’t mean we have to let it ruin ours!” In what can only be described as a fortuitous timing, Dungog residents have now also been encouraged to invest in home security systems, with many local businesses now including yard signs that say “We Don’t Mind Paying for the Noisy Neighbors, Just Don’t Steal Our Commodities” as a form of deterrence. Meanwhile, the holiday spirit continues to descend upon the town, with the annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony now expected to double as a “don’t even think about it” exposure event for would-be miscreants. In a final, riveting twist, local police have also reminded residents to keep their Christmas gifts hidden and their windows locked. After all, ‘tis the season to be jolly—but around here, it’s also the season to stay vigilant. Because in Dungog, even Santa’s list might need to be checked for the naughty ones trying to ruin everyone’s festive cheer once and for all!