In a bold new twist on the classic tourism experience, a local helicopter company has launched its 'Extreme Sightseeing' package, promising adrenaline-pumping views of the Hudson River – even if the journey doesn’t end as planned. Unfortunately, this thrilling offer went awry on Thursday when the inaugural flight took its scenic route straight into the drink, providing guests with an experience few will ever forget, for all the wrong reasons. At around 3:15 p.m., witnesses reported that the helicopter began performing an impromptu acrobatics routine that even the most seasoned pilots wouldn’t attempt. As it careened end over end, spectators on the banks of Jersey City were treated to what they described as the “most extravagant high-speed splashtacular” of their lives. “I’ve seen a lot of bad landings before, but I never imagined I’d witness a helicopter do a triple axel right before it ate the river,” one bystander exclaimed, while dramatically shielding themselves from the flying debris. Tragically, all six passengers onboard had their high-altitude dreams shattered, and not just metaphorically. Among the flamboyant group were three children, who were presumably looking forward to their postcards from the depths of the Hudson instead of the postcards from beyond. Authorities are investigating this ghastly event but suspect that the helicopter may have taken “Going Down with Style” a little too literally. In a selfless act of community spirit, the helicopter company's management expressed their deepest condolences to the families of the deceased. “We really wanted everyone to enjoy the view from above, but clearly, this ‘extreme’ aspect of the tour needs a little tweaking,” said the company CEO, who suggested they might pivot to a less heart-stopping tour of Manhattan’s finest ground-level attractions, including “The Subway Experience: The Sound of Screaming Rats.” Meanwhile, local residents have been rallying around a new slogan: “You can’t spell ‘crash’ without ‘cash’,” which they believe aptly captures the current theme of modern tourism. Travel agencies have started offering “free refund” promotions as an added incentive for those brave enough to attempt future flights—albeit possibly on planes that stay, you know, airborne. As the search for the downed helicopter continues, local business owners have already seized the moment, launching a new "Hudson River Submarine Adventure," where patrons can get “up close and personal” with the wreckage while sipping on cocktails like "Jet Fuel" and "Deep Dive." As it stands, 'Extreme Sightseeing' might just be the next big trend in adventure tourism—though for the sake of all future passengers, fingers crossed it’s based more on gorgeous views and less on plummeting into a body of water.