With the grace of a peacock in a penguin suit and the dignity of a cat in a bath, Lagos' illustrious educational institutions decided to tackle their financial woes with a bold strategy: throwing a big bash that they could barely afford and beg their way out of financial turmoil. The gala, eloquently named "Broke But Woke" stormed into being this past weekend, showcasing the best of Lagos' budgeting failures and acute cases of economic cluelessness this side of the Sahara. Held at the luxurious but rent-overdue premises of Standard College Ikorodu, the event was nothing short of a desperately ‘blinged-out’ cry for help. Carrying all the irony of a Baptist in a brewery, the organisers attempted to raise awareness, and more importantly, money, for the schooling systems of the Nigerian state. Ladies and gents, put your hands together for the masters of self-deprecation. "We're pioneering a new form of fundraising. We call it 'begging in style'," said Priye Anderson, Chairman of the Lagos State Schools Board, as he adjusted his diamond-studded cufflinks and realigned the gold trim on his silk pocket square. "We're broke, but that doesn't mean we can't be classy about it." Indeed, the under-funded Lagos education budget did not skimp on extravagance for this auspicious occasion. Event-goers were treated to a five-course dinner, complete with shrimp cocktails, caviar and truffle oil-infused mashed potatoes. Brandy-infused fruits were offered as dessert, with an option for gold leaf garnish because why not? In an awe-inspiring display of fiscal irresponsibility, the event also featured a charity auction with items that included luxury cars, vacation packages, and rare artefacts. The only thing missing was an actual budget plan to fix the financial crisis the schools found themselves in. "It's important that people understand the seriousness of our situation," Anderson continued solemnly, sipping languidly from a glass of champagne. "We can hardly afford teachers' salaries, let alone basic school supplies. But I think this solid gold statue of a broom we auctioned off for ₦50 million will really drive our message home." The irony was thicker than the velvet curtains of the elite gathering. The global community looks on, chuckling and shaking their heads, as Lagos schools put on a high-end show of living beyond their means in an attempt to address their insolvency. Meanwhile, the Lagos pupils, bereft of textbooks, are rumoured to be sharpening stones and sticks in preparation for their first art class. The teachers, on the other hand, remain alarmingly optimistic amid this whirlwind of absurdity. Our thoughts go to these brave souls, bearing the brunt of this "Broke But Woke" movement. The event ended with a stunning fireworks display that reportedly cost nearly as much as the lost annual budget of a small rural school. As the last spark faded into the night, attendees were given luxury goodie bags containing crystal paperweights engraved with "Broke But Woke". As for the schools, well, they remain as broke as ever. However, they are now also "woke", whatever that means. Mirroring the resolve of Sisyphus and his boulder, they'll be back next year for another round, promising to beg even more stylishly.