In a groundbreaking development that has sent shockwaves through the football community, Bournemouth star Justin Kluivert has officially rewritten the record books by becoming the first player in Premier League history to score a hat-trick of penalties in a single match. Fans are left wondering if the Wolves players had mistakenly enrolled in a “How to Foul 101” course, as they delivered an error-riddled performance that showcased their unparalleled ability to concede penalties. Kluivert, the 25-year-old son of legendary Dutch striker Patrick Kluivert, seemed to have taken against-the-grain football advice quite seriously. While everyone else focuses on scoring from open play, he decided that collecting penalties was the new trend in modern football. "Why bother running around when you can just wait for someone to trip you?" Kluivert was quoted as saying after the match, grinning ear to ear as he held his match ball—complete with a trio of penalty marks. In a fiercely contested game that ended 4-2, the first half saw Kluivert step up to the spot not once, but twice, as Wolves indulged in their generous gift-giving spirit. The second half featured Kluivert adding a third penalty to solidify his legacy. Meanwhile, the Wolves' coaching staff could be seen taking frantic notes, presumably preparing for their next class on “How to Avoid Giving Away Penalties.” To add insult to injury, Wolves’ player Pedro Neto was handed the golden opportunity to redeem his side when they were awarded a penalty of their own. However, in an astonishing turn of events, he somehow managed to miss the target entirely, resulting in a wild shot that veered off into the stands, prompting a nearby pigeon to question his technique. This moment of calamity further underscored Wolves’ training session choices—opt for the “Advanced Diving” workshop but ignore the “Penalty Placement” module. As for Kluivert, he'll undoubtedly be reminiscing about this match for years to come. “I think I could try for four penalties next time,” he declared, grinning. “At this rate, I should just start training kicking the ball at people's feet more often!” Wolves, on the other hand, might need to find a new strategic approach. Their upcoming fixtures include a mandatory seminar on “Effective Tackling” and a personal development course titled “How to Train for Penalties, Not Give Them Away.” In a world where footballers are often individuals with sophisticated tactics and artistry, Kluivert has taken a refreshingly simple route—the path of least resistance. One can only imagine what other records he might shatter next! Perhaps a five-penalty game? Or could this be the dawn of a new trend where players sign up for “Gain Points by Getting Fouled” workshops? The mind boggles, and the football world waits with bated breath.