In an unexpected twist that has left the world’s elite reeling, Klaus Schwab, the 88-year-old overlord of networking in snow-capped heights, has announced his retirement from the World Economic Forum (WEF). Citing a phenomenon he has dubbed “Davos Fatigue,” Schwab has realized that after decades of sharpening his handshake skills and dodging snowballs, it’s time to hang up his designer skis. “I love a good schmooze as much as the next billionaire,” Schwab proclaimed from his igloo-like chalet in Zurich, “but when I realized I was starting to confuse high-altitude networking with actual mountain climbing, I knew it was time to call it quits.” Sources close to Schwab say he has begun replacing his meticulously crafted slip-on shoes with fuzzy slippers and TiVo reruns of reality shows featuring people who don’t know what a ‘Davos’ is. The WEF, famed for transforming a sleepy Swiss village into a temporary playground for the global elite, has stated that Schwab’s retirement will not go unnoticed. “We will throw him a lavish farewell party—fully financed by the world’s taxpayers, of course,” said a spokesperson, gesturing to an austere menu that includes caviar parachuted in from Moscow and organic kale flown in from California. “It’ll be a gathering like no other. We’re expecting penguins and polar bears as exotic guests this year, now that the spotlight is off Klaus.” As Schwab steps down, speculation is rife about who will succeed him as the chief handshaker-in-chief. Industry insiders have suggested that world leaders might be forced to compete in a series of challenges, including a speed-networking race, a high-altitude obstacle course of economic jargon, and a game of “Who Can Pronounce ‘Sustainability’ the Most Awkwardly?” The WEF's next meeting is expected to focus on addressing the crucial issue of climate change—so long as the attendees can find an environmentally friendly way to arrive by private jet. Schwab himself has hinted at plans to possibly pen a tell-all book titled “From Handshakes to Snowdrifts: My Life Among the Alps,” where he may reveal secrets like the real reason behind the Swiss chocolate trade. “I’m looking forward to spending my retirement avoiding long-standing global crises and binge-watching docuseries about people who might actually fix them,” Schwab quipped, as he prepared to step down and slip into the anonymity of non-snowy locations wherever frequent flier miles could take him.