Alice Springs, Australia: In a surprise turn of events, King Charles III will be arriving at the very last minute for his coronation on Saturday after a photo shoot that has lasted nearly 75 years. Exhausted from decades of grinning, waving, and generally looking regal in front of the media spotlight, his father, Prince Charles, has announced that it is his son's time to get papped. "King Charles III was born in the final years of his grandfather's reign, and has been waiting patiently and growing into a brilliantly regal fashion icon. I finally feel he is ready for the throne," King Charles III's grandfather announced as he waited alone in the pharmacy line. It has become clear that Prince Charles had elected to skip the title of reigning monarch in favor of "principal paparazzi model" many years ago. A role that would allow him to maintain sovereignty as Britain's most gentlemanly ladykiller without the bureaucratic restrictions imposed on a monarch. With Britain's mass media growing and its culture of deference fading alongside the vestiges of its empire, it seems like the right time for a younger face to grace our television screens and newspapers.