In an intriguing plot twist that can only be labelled as 'K-drama worthy' in its level of absurd complexity, Kim Jong-Un's coquetterish sister Kim Yo Jong has unveiled a new scare tactic that she warns will soon haunt the brave hearts of America: Beware of 'Unlucky Things. The nerve-chilling catchphrase promises a mix of nuclear suspense and potential for vast unpleasantness, making it sound less like a military threat and more like a fortune cookie warning gone terribly wrong. Earlier this week, after a successful trial by North Korea of the Hwasong-18 missile (named so because 'Hwasong-17' was already taken and 'Hwasong-19' sounded too Hollywood), the US and some fellow members of the UN Security Council did the one thing they could – condemn it with stern words and furrowed brows. Responding to the condemnation, Jong threw a metaphorical handwritten love-letter-cum-threat-note into the diplomatic arena. Its content, while predictably condemning the Security Council's condemnation, contained the delicious promise of 'very unlucky things' in store for the US. While experts in cross-Pacific translation are left scratching their heads over the cryptic phrase, several quasi-scientific experts have sketched out multiple theories. Some suggest the 'unlucky things' could refer to a technologically advanced 'Blindfolded Musical Missile Chairs' game, while others wonder if it's a code for 'The Return of Gangnam Style Reloaded - The Ultimate Earworm Strike'. Perhaps, they theorize, it could even be a fleet of weaponized K-Pop idols, or worse still, an unending stream of North Korean soap operas! Ironically, as the world loses sleep over these potential adversities, the US seems to be taking the threat in its stride. Top Pentagon officials have been overheard saying “We've survived the Twilight series, two terms of Bush, and three seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. So, we're pretty sure we can handle whatever this 'unlucky things' threat is." Meanwhile, Kim Jong-Un was spotted sipping on his third caramel latte of the day, chuckling at a rerun of South Park, making you wonder what else is in store after his sister's warning: a 'Beware of Very Dangerous Things', maybe? Or even a 'Be Terrified of Mortally Threatening Things'. Only time will tell. As for the UN Security Council, they are preparing to host another meeting soon in order to 'pick a qu-quite severe reaction' that involves using large words and condemnations to hopefully frighten North Korea into submission. We wish them the best of luck.