In an unprecedented demonstration of highland pride, kilted Scots are demanding new legislation for wider kilts in the UK puppet show circuit, pushing for a national de-miniaturisation of tartan apparel. The Band of Braw Bearded Blokes, also known as the B4, has taken the cause to stormy heights after a decisive meeting at The Dog and Duck, a charming pub nestled on the fringes of Argyll and Bute. Sparkling under the influence of dark malted beverages, the B4 has declared an all-out war on “tiny tartan tyranny.” Duffy MacDuff, the B4's owner and 'Supreme Chieftain,' explained the group's pucker against pint-sized kilts. "It’s a matter of representation and respect, lad. A puppet's kilt ought to be as wide and wavy as a real man's kilt. We cannae have this mockery of our grand attire in puppet shows." According to MacDuff, the B4's mission is not just about seeking wider fabric for puppet kilts. Their proposed 'Puppeteer Respect the Kilt Act' also demands tiny sporran accessories, proportionate representation of clan tartans, and even puppet bagpipers playing 'Scotland the Brave' at the beginning of each show. The puppeteer community remains split over the entire kerfuffle. Director of the popular 'Puppet Playhouse', Sooki Smithers, argues, "Budget and practicality are crucial. Portraying a full-scale Highland gathering using puppets and wider kilts is simply ludicrous." But not all puppeteers agree. Internationally renowned puppeteer, Fergus Fiddlesticks, confessed, "I've been making do with old skirts from Barbie dolls. The B4 has a point, our puppets should respect the Scottish tradition." Meanwhile, across the borders, the English puppet community has taken an amused view of the controversy. Puppeteer Roger Dinglebottom quipped, “Why stop at kilts? Let's make the puppet knights wear full suits of armour.” Across the Atlantic, even Hollywood has shown interest in the stir. Rumours abound of a potential documentary, 'Kilt-Kaboodle: A Tartan Tussle,' exploring both sides of this uproarious saga. Parliament hasn't made any official statement regarding the proposed bill. But one anonymous source claims you’re more likely to see Nessie sunbathing on the banks of Loch Ness than to see such an Act passed. Undeterred, the B4 continues its campaign, marking each meeting with a ceremonial tossing of the caber. As per MacDuff, each toss represents hurling the ridicule away. What MacDuff failed to mention was who would be responsible for moving the tossed cabers off the pub's parking lot. The question remains, will their caber-tossing, malt-fuelled retaliation prove effective, or will UK puppet shows continue with kilts that Ailsa Barbie could don as a snazzy skirt? No matter the outcome, this saga remains a source of merriment and an unexpected debate about the potentially undersized tartan couture gracing our puppet stages.