Kicking It Old School: The Untold Shenanigans of George Parkinson, the 1893 Footy Fella Good day, dear readers, footy fellows, and lovers of humor. Today, I am going to take you on a trip down memory lane, recounting the escapades of one of our most revered and sanctified Aussie rulers, George Reginald Parkinson. Please, hold your kangaroos as we embark on this wild ride! Also, if you are a lover of perfectly accurate historical facts or a stickler for the truth, it may be wise to steer clear from this riveting tale. While Mr. Parkinson was a profoundly accomplished football player, our goal is to toast, gently prance, and skip on top of the boundaries of the Victorian Football League. Welcome one and all to Kicking It Old School: The Untold Shenanigans of George Parkinson, the 1893 Footy Fella. Once upon a time, when the world was black and white and sepia-toned, there lived George Parkinson, our brilliant (yet-all-too-human) VFL star. Equipped with gloriously (waxed, shaped, and polished) mustaches that many a man envied and a charm that made his fellow players swoon, George strutted on that playing ground like he owned it; or as many a minstrel would sing, "he was the cat's meow on the footy scene." Who would have guessed that, behind the scenes of his illustrious career, dear old George had a penchant for old-school pranks and wanton shenanigans? The kind of mischief that would rival even today's celebrity hijinks (think knickerbockers mysteriously lowered during matches or vinegar dispensed in water bottles). Let us delve into the day George "borrowed" his teammate's compression socks and replaced them with sausage casings. You see, George had a wicked sense of humor that rivalled his ferocious footy kicks in both intensity and precision. Imagine the mayhem when the entire team could not help but cringe at the sausages slathering about on their calves, wondering in agony who was responsible for this utterly preposterous yet hilarious act. And who could forget the time George invited the whole team to what he called "The Original Protein Shake Party"? Tired from a long practice, the team gathered around to be treated to the first-ever protein shakes, as George claimed. The untold secret? George had simply borrowed a milkmaid's bucket, mixed it with raw eggs and essence of horse liniment, and voilà! The original and positively not very delicious precursor to the modern protein shake...But the team had a rip-roaring time trying to consume the concoction and witnessed several amusing contorted faces worthy of framing on the wall of humorous memories. Do you know how they invented the football back in 1893? As amusing as it may sound, historians have unearthed George's journal, full of detailed sketches of his plan to create our present-day football. Pages upon pages depict various shapes, mostly spherical objects with the annotation "too ordinary." But then, one day, George discovered a cow's inflated bladder, and the idea struck like a lightning bolt to his mustachioed face. After several artistic renderings of this bladder-based design, George pioneered the very thing modern-day players kick around (though, thankfully, we do not use cow bladders anymore). Dear reader, do not believe for a second that behind that dashingly handsome and chiseled face (like the straight line-of-a-footy-field jawline) there was no room for debauchery and foolishness. George Parkinson was, indeed, the epitome of Old School, and his legacy will live on for generations to come. Let us remember that beneath every grand player, there's always an untold story of unruly escapades and humor that keeps this game truly the life of the party, or perhaps we should say, "The King of Footy Shenanigans!" So, tip your hats or your bottles of horse liniment-infused protein shakes to George Reginald Parkinson, the noble Aussie Rules Footballer, who not only knew how to rule the field but also how to keep things entertaining off the court. Cheers to you, Mr. Parkinson, you cheeky footy fella!