In a stunning twist that has left political analysts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists on high alert, the Justice Department has decided to declare that New York Mayor Eric Adams is simply "too busy" to face corruption charges. Yes, you heard that right! Fighting crime, tackling illegal immigration, and keeping up with the latest campaign trends have been officially deemed more important than pesky little things like accountability or the rule of law. The memo, leaked during a game of poker at a federal barbecue, reveals the Justice Department’s groundbreaking new policy: “When in doubt, just don’t.” According to sources, an unnamed top Justice official confidently stated, "Why waste time on difficult ethics questions when we've got a city to save and elections to win? I mean, look at this guy! He’s got a city filled with crime to manage, bad press to combat, and oh, don’t forget the endless campaign selfies with constituents—those don’t take themselves!” Adams, who’s faced criticisms for his alleged cozy relationship with foreign influences, reportedly took the news in stride. “Corruption? What corruption?” he exclaimed while vigorously polishing his collection of luxurious travel perks. “I’m just a humble public servant! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to posting about my ‘leads on crime’ while simultaneously ignoring the ones in my inbox!” In light of this recent development, political scientists are scrambling to rewrite their textbooks. "This is revolutionary," noted an out-of-breath professor as he attempted to catch his breath after running a marathon in a suit. "Now we need a new chapter: ‘The Busy Politician’s Guide to Avoiding Jail Time’—it’s going to be a bestseller!” The new policy has also sparked a flood of hopeful responses from mayors across the country. "If Eric can do it, why can't I?" said a particularly hopeful mayor in a small town, who was recently exposed for using taxpayer money to fund his trip to a taco festival in Mexico. "Time to get busy pretending to work and avoiding those pesky subpoenas!" In the meantime, the people of New York can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that their mayor is focused on his reelection campaign rather than on mundane things like, say, adhering to the law. Who needs transparency when you’ve got charisma? And with the 2024 elections just around the corner, it appears that the only thing on the agenda is to keep the narrative tightly woven around “I’m working hard for you!” while leaving any semblance of scandal in the dust. So buckle up, New Yorkers! It looks like your mayor is ready to ride the wave of corruption, crime, and campaign promises straight to the ballot box, leaving any thought of court appearances in the rearview mirror—just like those luxury travel perks!