In a historic ruling that rippled through both the legal community and the realm of late-night comedy, a federal judge in Manhattan dashed Donald Trump's hopes of utilizing a "VIP Pass" to escape from a state criminal case that has already been as popular as a cat video on social media. The judge firmly declared that no amount of presidential trumpeting could shield the former leader from the consequences of his alleged mischief. Sources close to the courtroom say Trump's team was optimistic, arriving in tailored suits and crimson ties, ready to plead their case. "We thought it was just a formality," one aide whispered, adjusting the golden cufflinks that once belonged to the president. “After all, he’s a former president! We were pretty sure there was a secret 'Get Out of Jail Free' card hidden in the Constitution somewhere.” Judge Juan M. Merchan, however, seemed unmoved by the glittery charms of presidential nostalgia. He took one look at Trump's claims of bias and presidential immunity and responded with a verbal equivalent of a cold bucket of water. "I’m sorry, but even the former leader of the free world has to face the music—no matter how off-key it might be," the judge quipped, drawing laughter from the gallery. Hitting back at Trump’s legal strategy, which included elaborate diagrams of “Presidential Privilege,” Merchan reminded the courtroom that immunity doesn’t include immunity from bad decisions. "I would think twice before making hush payments to porn stars," he advised, shaking his head. "That’s not a presidential duty; it’s more like a poorly scripted reality show plot." As news of the ruling spread, social media erupted with takes hotter than a Florida summer. Memes depicting Trump in a superhero cape labeled "Presidential Immunity" flooded timelines, while others suggested he switch careers entirely—perhaps start a show titled “Dancing with the Inmates.” The former president, known for his resilience (and for occasionally claiming he has the best lawyers), took to his platform to issue a statement. "It's a witch hunt! One day, people will recognize that in America, even a twice-impeached president deserves a little privacy… especially when making arrangements that are, let's say, best left in the shadows." As the courtroom drama unfolds, experts speculate on the next chapter in Trump's legal saga. Some suggest that he may file for a new trademark: "Trump's Law: The Right to Remain Silly." Others wonder if he might make a comeback in the world of television instead, perhaps offering courses on Secrets of Successful Cover-Ups for aspiring politicians. In any case, it looks like Donald Trump will have to get used to the idea of facing the music, whether he prefers a quiet ballad or enthusiastic show tunes.