In a dramatic farewell speech, President Joe Biden stood resolute behind the Resolute Desk—an object that has seen its fair share of historic announcements, and now, a call to arms against what he termed the "tech overlords" who threaten to take America's cookies. "We’re not talking about the delightful baked goods here," he clarified, "but our precious digital cookies: the bits of data that define us and, quite frankly, tell Big Tech everything about our lunch choices." Biden's address, often cited as a mix of urgency and an odd craving for dessert, was aimed at those he dubbed the "ultra-wealthy supervillains," a group he humorously suggested might be plotting from their lairs, likely rife with tech gadgets and questionable snacks. "What can we do? We must not let these tech moguls steal our cookies! They're not just hacking into our accounts; they're hacking into our souls!" he exclaimed, pulling out a plate of cookies from under the desk to emphasize his point. In what appeared to be an unintentional comic twist, the President unveiled his new initiative: "Protect Our Cookies," a nationwide movement encouraging citizens to encrypt their cookie recipes while demanding government intervention to stop tech companies from overreaching. "We have to take back our data! And if that means drafting up a bill that literally dips into dough, so be it!" Listeners couldn’t help but chuckle as he warned that these tech giants have "more power than Batman, Wolverine, and that guy who invented the inflatable mattress combined." He urged Americans to remain vigilant against what he called the "cookie snatchers," a term that instantly went viral on social media, where conspiracy theorists quickly declared Biden the newest member of an underground dessert protection agency. In an inspiring yet perplexing conclusion, Biden shouted, "Remember folks, democracy is like a freshly baked cookie: it’s only good when shared and protected from those who would gobble it all down!" Critics swiftly responded by launching a new podcast titled "Cookies and Politics," which delves into the serious implications of data privacy while taste-testing cookie recipes from various political affiliations. On social media, memes comparing tech billionaires to cookie monsters flooded the internet alongside #CookieGate2023. Analysts pondered whether this was the strange new direction the Democratic Party needed, or just a cute final moment from a president known for his gaffes. Regardless of political stance, America seemed united in one heartwarming sentiment: protect the cookies at all costs! As his presidency comes to a close, Biden leaves behind a nation that is penny-pinching their data and hoarding flour like it’s the end of the world, all thanks to the lingering fear of the tech overlords lurking around the virtual corner.