In a rare twist of fate that only 39 special air missions could orchestrate, the late President Jimmy Carter has decided to make one last grand entrance—not by foot, but by the VIP route fit for a former Commander-in-Chief. Sources say that Carter, known for his humble demeanor and farming background, chose a royal send-off just to break the mold, proving that he always did enjoy a good air ride. As the clock struck 10:00 EST, Carter's family, clad in their finest “grieving chic,” boarded Special Air Mission 39, a high-flying aircraft that typically transports world leaders, celebrities, and occasionally lost luggage. Witnesses reported seeing a family member trying to sneak a few snacks on board, only to be met with an eye-roll that could rival President Carter’s own "just peachy" look. Upon arrival at Joint Base Andrews, the late president's remains were ceremoniously transferred to a hearse, which was quickly commandeered by a tailored Uber driver wearing a suit so crisp it could cut glass. From there, the motorcade proceeded at an impressive 5 mph, a speed rate that speaks volumes to the level of respect, or perhaps just the DC traffic. At 14:00, a horse-drawn military carriage—a mode of transport that seems more suited for a fairy tale than a modern memorial—took center stage as Carter's remains were escorted from the hearse. The carriage, reportedly named "Old Glory," was outfitted with the latest in equine technology, including Bluetooth speakers that played an unending loop of “Sweet Home Alabama” in tribute to Carter’s Southern roots. Meanwhile, Congress prepared for an emotional afternoon filled with bipartisan agreement on one thing: it was about time they all came together to honor a man who built homes for others while taking a solid 40 years off from the healthy debate of left versus right. As they filed into the US Capitol for the 15:00 service, rumors circulated that they might even manage to hold hands and sing Kumbaya—if only to pretend for a brief moment they might understand each other. The event, which ran perfectly on schedule aside from the unexpected detour due to a group of squirrels staging a protest against the ongoing government shut-down, has since been hailed as an example of what happens when dignified respect meets good old-fashioned American chaos. In the grand tradition of presidential send-offs, Carter’s final flight has proven that in death, as in life, he embraces the unexpected with that quintessential Southern charm—because who wouldn't want an airborne farewell, a horse-drawn carriage, and a room full of lawmakers awkwardly trying to show their appreciation all in one day? Jimmy, we’ll miss you. Just remember, if there’s a better flight path to peace up there, you’ll know how to find it.