In a shocking twist during the 2025 NFL Draft, the New York Jets opted to go against the grain and make a bold move by selecting Missouri offensive tackle Armand Membou with the seventh overall pick. In an unprecedented strategy, the Jets decided that instead of drafting a quarterback to potentially join their infamous rotation of throwers, they would invest in an offensive lineman solely for the purpose of protecting said quarterbacks from themselves. Membou, who reportedly came to football later in life after being inspired by a particularly thrilling game of backyard touch football, quickly established himself as a star at Missouri. After a solid three-season run where he spent nearly all his time at right tackle, his most impressive statistic was not how well he blocked, but rather that he managed to avoid head injuries while witnessing several of his teammates throw interceptions. "We recognized a critical flaw in our organization," said a Jets spokesperson, who had asked to remain anonymous but was wearing a paper bag over their head. "Quarterbacks are a sensitive breed that have a knack for turning routine plays into disaster. We felt that by bringing in Membou, we could minimize the damage to their fragile egos while still allowing them to throw passes at an astonishing frequency – albeit most of them to the opposing team." The Jets' plan is reportedly centered around the philosophy that if quarterbacks are shielded from rogue defenders and their own unfortunate decisions, they’ll have more time to look around and think deeply about their life choices, like, “Should I really be playing this sport?” Upon hearing he was drafted by the Jets, Membou professed he was "excited" and "nervous," but mostly felt a profound sense of responsibility, as he would have to take it upon himself to keep his future teammates from spiraling out of control. "I’m ready to block, and I mean really block," said Membou. "I’ve heard stories about quarterbacks dropping back and losing their minds at the first sign of pressure. I'm here to save them from themselves! They have so much potential if only someone can shield them from their impulsive decisions." Fans, meanwhile, are divided. Some applaud the Jets for taking a new approach, while others remain skeptical, recalling past optimism that turned sour when they hired a defensive coordinator who only knew how to coach players to tackle inflatable dummies. "I just hope we don’t end up using Membou to protect a quarterback who will inevitably still find a way to throw it into triple coverage," opined a lifelong Jets fan who had already begun crafting a “Membou Saves the Day” T-shirt. In the end, as the Jets charge forward with their decidedly unconventional approach to team-building, one thing is clear: Armand Membou will do whatever it takes to protect his future quarterbacks – because in the chaotic world of the Jets, the real battle isn’t against the opposing team, but against the quarterback's own brain.