In a surprising twist of fate, Israeli Foreign Minister Israel Katz unearthed a long-lost U.N. resolution from 2006 during a routine spring cleaning of his office. The resolution, which demands Hezbollah's withdrawal from the Lebanese border, had been gathering dust and was apparently forgotten in the chaos of international diplomacy—right next to a half-eaten bag of hummus and an outdated map of the Middle East. In an impassioned statement to the the U.N. Security Council, Katz waved the dusty document around like a prize-winning trophy, declaring, “Aha! Found it! You see this? It clearly says Hezbollah needs to go back to their room! I don’t care how many rockets they’ve fired; it’s about time we enforced some rules around here!” Sources say that Katz pointed to Article 7 of the resolution, where it says that Hezbollah should “cease all hostile activities” and “withdraw their forces.” He then compared Hezbollah to a “disobedient child who keeps jumping on the couch despite being told repeatedly to sit still.” In a show of apparent frustration, Katz exclaimed, “It’s like nobody listens anymore! Can you imagine if my children refused to follow the rules at home? There would be no dessert and lots of ‘time-outs’ involved!” Hezbollah, however, seemed unfazed by the dramatic revelation and responded with a cartoonish mockery of being sent to their room, complete with a drawn-out sulk and a fake “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again” gesture. A spokesperson for the group was overheard mumbling, “We didn't know he had the instruction manual.” Meanwhile, the U.N. Security Council, presumably still recovering from the unexpected exposure to administrative paperwork, remained largely silent, with some members contemplating an impromptu group therapy session for international diplomacy gone awry. In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Russian Ambassador Vasily Nebenzya shifted in his seat and suggested they might need to “find a more creative solution” because clearly asking Hezbollah to behave wasn’t working out. Meanwhile, the U.N. Secretariat has begun searching for a “Timeout Chair” during their next meeting, just in case someone else stumbles upon another lost document concerning global peace. Katz concluded his speech with a flourish, proclaiming, “The time for games is over! It’s time for Hezbollah to pack their toys and return to their room—preferably with no further outbursts. I will be checking on them frequently—because we must ensure they don’t sneak out again!” As the meeting adjourned, observers noted an eruption of spontaneous applause for the minister’s passionate plea, even if it was unclear what impact unearthing old resolutions would have on the ongoing conflict.