In a bold move that can only be described as both audacious and slightly envy-inducing, a coalition of island nations has officially requested that the larger, landlocked countries of the world accept their carbon guilt. Leaders from the Maldives, Samoa, and the Marshall Islands gathered this week, armed not with diplomatic briefs but with a hefty dose of sarcasm, to demand that a carbon tax on international shipping be imposed—immediately. "We get it; you're busy fighting fires and floods on your own turf," announced Prime Minister Surfs-Up of the Maldives while balancing on a surfboard. "But maybe you could spare a thought for us stranded folk over here, trying not to drown in your collective carbon emissions." Indeed, these island nations have had the foresight to realize that the rising ocean levels and invasive beach towels might just be tied to the shipping routes belching greenhouse gases like some sort of maritime dragon. So they're not just here to complain; they’ve come with a solution! Their plan is simple: start charging shipping companies a carbon tax that could fund their climate resilience efforts. Of course, they also hope that a few guilt-ridden landlocked countries might throw in some reparations while they’re at it. In response to the celestial wailing of island nations, several major players in global shipping—think giant multi-national corporations, not your average yacht owner—have expressed their utmost concern. “We hear you loud and clear, and honestly, we’re touched,” said an executive from SeaBehemoth Logistics. “But isn’t it just a little… inconvenient? We have, like, an entire economy built around dumping things into the ocean. Can’t you just, you know, find higher ground?” Meanwhile, the big consumers of shipped goods—the United States, Germany, and, of course, China—have adopted a new position: moral superiority! “Oh, those poor islanders,” said a spokesperson who, for some reason, spoke from a yacht anchored in the Bahamas. “Here we are, good citizens of the Earth, focused on our own climate goals while ignoring the fact that our smartphones are powered by the remains of dozens of burnt fossil fuels and that they were shipped here on cargo ships that’re roughly the size of a small continent.” As the conversation spirals into a deep abyss of hypocrisy, the island nations are cranking up the pressure, asserting that only when “the rest of the world starts feeling guiltier than they are comfortable with” will they see real change. They suggest an interactive online guilt tracker that nations can log into to assess how deeply they need to repent after every cargo shipment of luxury goods. In a surprising twist, a new coalition has emerged among the larger nations. The “Keep Calm and Ship On” alliance has formed, arguing that there is little to fear from rising tides, as long as they can keep making money from selling bottled water to the future drowned citizens of the world. “Let’s be real here,” chortled one of its architects. “We’ll just build floating cities, and they can swim to us, right? Problem solved!” As the world waits for the other shoe—or rather, cargo ship—to drop, it’s clear that guilt trips have officially gone global. The island nations have managed to create an intriguing game of chicken, one that pits the existential crisis of climate change against the eternal desire for stuff. So buckle up for the next international summit, where they’ll likely serve guilt pie alongside the main dish of corporate greed—a meal guaranteed to have everyone’s conscience stuffed to the gills.