In a groundbreaking announcement that has left experts scratching their heads and investors swooning, the latest “game-changer” for clean energy has emerged from the depths of a hidden laboratory in a garage somewhere in Silicon Valley. Dubbed “Infinite Power Crystals,” these sparkling gems claim to harness the energy of “good vibes” and “the universe,” promising to eliminate the need for fossil fuels and, if we’re lucky, save humanity’s collective sanity in the process. The project, spearheaded by a self-proclaimed “energy guru” who previously gained notoriety for selling “organic air” in reusable jars, has now turned its sights on addressing the global energy crisis—one crystal at a time. During a live-streamed event on a platform known mainly for cat videos and conspiracy theories, the mastermind demonstrated how a single Infinite Power Crystal could light up an entire house. The catch? You have to hold it while chanting “peace and love” for at least an hour. Critics, who completely lack the visionary optimism that the world so desperately needs, expressed skepticism. "I mean, it looks like a rock you’d find at the bottom of a fish tank," said Dr. Naysayer, a professor of something at a well-known university. “I’m not sure how energy harvested from ‘good vibes’ holds up against actual physics, but hey, who needs laws of thermodynamics when you’ve got Instagram likes?” Meanwhile, financial backers have reportedly invested millions into the venture, drawn by terms like “disruptive magic” and “sustainable sparkle.” Investors are just thrilled with the potential returns, even if the entire concept makes about as much sense as investing in a time machine that operates on the honor system. While proponents of Infinite Power Crystals continue to pump excitement into their social media campaigns–complete with hashtags like #SparkleEnergy and #BeamUsUp, Scotty—scientists worldwide are taking a collective deep breath and practicing mindfulness, hoping against hope that this latest trend is indeed a fleeting phenomenon rather than a full-blown energy revolution. In a surprising twist, even the Department of Energy has released a statement thanking the creators for “encouraging creative dialogue about energy solutions.” Upon further inquiry, sources revealed that the statement was written by an intern tasked with finding the silver lining amidst some truly grim budget meetings. As clean energy enthusiasts await further developments, the buzz surrounding Infinite Power Crystals only seems to grow. Some predict it could possibly revolutionize a range of industries—like, say, artisanal gift shops and overpriced wellness retreats. “Imagine coming home after a long day and soaking yourself in the calming aura of your Infinite Power Crystals!” said one die-hard supporter, clearly unable to hear the eye-roll emanating louder than a jet engine. For now, crystal lovers everywhere have their rose-tinted glasses firmly in place, ready to embrace whatever cosmic energy this “revolution” promises. Will these crystals genuinely light the way for a cleaner planet, or will they simply find their home in yet another drawer filled with other brilliant fads such as pet rocks and mood rings? Only time will tell—though one thing is for certain: cynics be damned; the glittering dreams of an eco-friendly utopia are just too glorious to resist.