When it comes to the wild world of rugby, it's clear that Ireland's forward line - Finlay Bealham, Dan Sheehan, and Jack Conan - is more than ready to dance a jig with the Springboks of South Africa, despite the inconvenient and incredibly ungentlemanly bumps and bruises that they have accumulated recently. In a key World Cup Pool B match in the world's fashion capital, Paris, this robust Irish threesome is all set to lock horns with their southern counterparts on Saturday. However, a note of extreme caution is being exercised with Sheehan and Conan, following some recent physical hiccups, leading to the creation of the two most suspenseful plot points in this gripping, rugby soap opera. "The return of Sheehan and Conan...is being managed," said an unnamed source from deep within the bowels of the Irish rugby establishment, using words so vague and mysterious that the whole nation is now on the edge of their bar stools, gripping their four-leaf clovers in anticipation. In stark contrast, World Rugby and squad medics have grandly delivered their proclamation of fitness on Bealham. The Connacht prop, who bravely battled a head injury during the 59-16 thrashing of Tonga on Saturday, has passed a series of tests with flying colors. His initial failure of a head injury assessment (HIA) seems to have been nothing more than a walk in the park now - leading to intense debate among fans whether his apparent vulnerability was just an elaborate ruse to lull the Springboks into a false sense of security. Some have asked if Bealham really did pass all the tests or was he perhaps aided by the famous Irish 'luck of the leprechaun'? Was the HIA rigged, and are there links now being investigated to the Kremlin? We don't have any solid answers to these questions, but the rumor mill is already pumping vigorously. Some unnamed sources hint the next press conference will reveal stunning news - Conan has a sprained thumb, caused by excessive videogame playing. Sheehan, meanwhile, had reportedly slipped on a banana peel. Squash that idea of rough and tumble rugby men, bruised and battered by the game; it turns out the most treacherous threats come from peels of bananas and too much 'Call of Duty'. Thus, Ireland's noble rugby warriors are set to dance with the South African Springboks on Saturday. In the grand tradition of the Emerald Isle, they'll need every bit of the luck, blarney, and courage they can muster to offset injuries from rogue fruit and excessive gaming. Let the games continue.