ROMA, ITALY - In a stunning turn of events, Salernitana football club, guided by the legendary Filippo Inzaghi, is reportedly reconsidering its current strategic approach to winning games this season, opting instead to consult a crystal ball for its first win. In a match that can only be described as a seismic drift from victory, the club squandered a two-goal lead against Sassuolo last Friday, climaxing in the now all-too-common 2-2 draw. Salernitana is clearly bypassing the usual dismal effort of losing, settling instead for a gentle crumble in their defense which sage observers have noticed is always most potent towards the end of their games. Coach Inzaghi, whose previous illustrious career as a striker for Juventus and AC Milan holds little sway over the performance of his current team, is on the brink of using more unconventional methods to secure a win. Among them, according to a source close to the club who spoke on condition of anonymity, is consulting a crystal ball. "We've got spreadsheets, scouting reports, sports psychologists, you name it," the source told this reporter. "But maybe we're overthinking it. Maybe we need to get back to basics. Crystal balls, tea leaves, horoscopes - why the hell not? We might even get David Blaine in for a magic trick or two, if he's not too expensive." Inzaghi's winless streak since taking charge in October has left the club stranded at Serie A's basement position. As it turns out, even an illustrious past and a booming voice, which you'd imagine would motivate the players, does not equate to actual victories on the field. "There's only so much you can do with soaring speeches and tactical acumen," the source sighed. "At some point, you need a bit of supernatural help, you know?" When asked whether the team had considered, perhaps, just playing better, our source responded in a defeated tone, "Well, yeah, obviously, we'd thought of that. Almost too obvious really." Salernitana, marking its place in history as the 30th team ever to join Serie A, has at least one achievement firmly tucked under their belt. They have truly mastered the art of not winning, a skill that other teams might find too mentally strenuous to replicate season after season. To bring home their first victory, Salernitana might take solace in the words, “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” That said, a quick glance into a crystal ball wouldn't hurt now, would it?