In a stunning display of decisive action that even the most seasoned superhero would admire, President Biden has swung a metaphorical sledgehammer at the Kremlin’s oil lifeline, declaring war on not just Russia's tanks and troops, but also their tanks of oil. Experts are calling it the “most significant sanctions yet,” which, let’s be honest, sounds better than “We placed an Andy Griffith Show-level number of restrictions on gas guzzlers.” The White House revealed that they have blacklisted two of Russia's biggest oil companies, Igor and Fedor’s Crude Co. and Vlad’s Very Valuable Fuels, along with a staggering 183 oil tankers – a number so large it sounds like an unsuccessful lottery ticket. Economic analysts are scratching their heads, trying to figure out how to fit that many ships into a dock that’s only big enough for the local duck pond. “Listen, who cares about gas prices when saving democracy is on the line?” a senior official proclaimed, while holding up a giant sign that read “Inflation? Never heard of it!” Another advisor chimed in, “We have decided that paying $16 a gallon is a small price to pay for freedom. I mean, have you tasted freedom?” It was reported that numerous aides nodded in agreement, each clutching their wallets in suspense. Meanwhile, gas station owners across America have started plotting elaborate schemes on how to explain price hikes to their customers. “You see,” a bewildered owner explained to one confused driver after a price increase from $3.50 to $10.50 overnight, “when you stop Russian oil from reaching our refineries, the only logical thing to do is charge you more for air.” As public fear about soaring prices looms like a thick fog, many have turned to alternative forms of transportation, including riding bicycles and rollerblading to work. “I haven't driven my car in weeks,” said local resident Mabel, while happily cruising down the street on a neon pink skateboard. “But wait—if I fall, would that be considered inflation in my medical bills?” Back in the Kremlin, it’s said that President Putin is plotting his revenge — he’s announced a new line of luxury vodka flavored with heartfelt emotions and a sprinkle of contempt, as a way to cushion the blow from America's latest sanctions. Rumor has it that he plan to host a vodka-tasting event where guests can sip their drinks while lamenting the strength of American capitalism. As sanctions fly like confetti at a parade, the world watches breathlessly. Will America conquer inflation with a sledgehammer? Will Russia find a way to keep pouring oil? Will Mabel master rollerblading without face-plants? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure: the stage is set, and the oil war is about to rock 'n' roll!