In an astonishing display of inefficiency and bureaucratic blundering, Indiana's latest initiative—dubbed “Heartbreak Highway”—promises to be a scenic route through the state's most confounding policy decisions. This venture, spearheaded by the Indiana Department of Transportation (INDOT), is designed to give residents and tourists alike a firsthand experience of the bewildering paths that have driven everyone here to the brink of madness. The Heartbreak Highway is no ordinary highway. It’s a 120-mile loop that passes through towns known for their unfortunate choices—like Gary’s infamous attempt to repurpose landfill into a leisure park, or Muncie’s monumental three-month debate on whether to install roundabouts or merely paint circles on the pavement. Travelers can expect to see towers of bureaucracy and construction delays offering views of “Under Construction Since 2019” signs. One of the key attractions on Heartbreak Highway is the so-called “Roundabout of Regret.” Plagued by an ever-changing plan, it features signage depicting exasperated drivers circling endlessly while debating the merits of left turns and right turns—an evocative metaphor for the state’s indecision on infrastructure upgrades. And just when you think you’ve made the right choice, it spits you back onto a detour of endless political ads, showcasing every candidate whose most significant promise seems to be to at least try to not mess things up worse than they already are. Travelers should also mark their maps for a pit stop at “Policy Park,” a rest area stacked with pamphlets detailing Indiana's dazzlingly complex tax code, known affectionately as “The Gumdrop Tax System.” Here, weary motorists can gaze at a beautiful view of baffling tax exemptions, while enjoying overpriced stale snacks from vendors who seem to thrive on the heartbreak of the uninformed. A dedicated team of interns will assist in handing out “I Survived Indiana Taxes!” t-shirts to commemorate the inevitable mental breakdown that comes with deciphering the state’s fiscal strategy. No journey on Heartbreak Highway would be complete without a stop at the “Fee Forest,” where visitors can pay to partake in the “Pay-Per-Play” experience, which allows them to engage with Indiana's notorious fees for everything from licensing to vehicle registration—featuring a special section for unexpected “surprise fees.” Park rangers will spend their days laughing, or crying—often indistinguishably—as they explain the finer points of “You Didn’t Read the Fine Print” policy initiatives. As you traverse this emotionally fraught highway, be sure to keep an eye out for the “Achievement Gap” monument—a 30-foot-tall replica of a graduation cap, standing precariously on a crumbling pedestal. This haunting structure serves as a stark reminder of education cuts and funding disparities, with benches installed nearby for those wishing to sit down and contemplate their life choices. It’s a perfect spot for selfies, where each snap can be captioned with variations of “But we could have had it all.” Tourism officials estimate the Heartbreak Highway could attract tens of visitors by next fiscal quarter, with many residents opting to stay home and avoid the disheartening journey altogether. Local diner owners are excited, claiming that the rise in despair would lead to an increase in sales of their renowned “Heartbreak Hash”—a dish featuring all the ingredients you wish would just go away, served with a side of wistful disbelief. As the road continues to progress—or rather, regress—Indiana's Heartbreak Highway stands as a beacon of heartache for both locals and visitors trapped in a seemingly endless parade of policy failures. And as we all know, nothing brings a community together quite like a shared frustration, especially when it’s enshrined in asphalt.