In an unprecedented display of labor solidarity — and questionable decision-making — the International Longshoremen's Association (ILA) has chosen to elevate the pride of "Casual Friday" to a full-scale work stoppage. As of 12:01 a.m. ET on October 1, billions of dollars worth of goods found themselves on an impromptu vacation from U.S. East Coast and Gulf Coast ports, courtesy of the longshoremen who had apparently mistaken a “strike notice” for a “going away party.” What started as a casual disagreement over a contract expired with the United States Maritime Alliance (USMX) quickly escalated into a union-wide encore performance of “Everybody Out!” In a spectacular display of teamwork, nearly 50,000 members of the ILA decided that standing around with their arms crossed while wearing flip-flops and Hawaiian shirts sounded far better than the quotidian grind of unloading cargo. “We just thought it was time to show the world that we can have fun while keeping the economy at a standstill,” said one ILA member who wished to remain anonymous, presumably for networking purposes with nearby beach resorts. “At least we brought snacks!” While experts are uncertain about the exact implications of a port blockade on an economy heavily reliant on shipping, one thing is clear: millions of imported items, from the latest tech gadgets to holiday decorations, now sit idly in containers, taking an extended break on behalf of labor relations. Ironically, the only things moving in and out of the ports are the Instagram accounts of disgruntled dock workers sharing photos of their prolonged downtime at the beach. “It’s basically a union vacation, and we can’t believe we’ve hit on something so brilliant,” another anonymous longshoreman chimed in, as he daintily applied sunscreen. “This is going to revolutionize labor disputes forever. Who knew that demanding more vacation days would mean actually taking them?” While businesses across America struggle to navigate this trade impasse, a new coalition of gig economy workers has emerged to capitalize on the chaos. Enterprising individuals are now offering ‘Port Shuttle Services,’ promising to convey frustrated importers to the very front lines of the halted freight in exchange for a nominal fee and a heartfelt apology for the inconvenience. “We’re basically organizing a field trip,” said one ‘port tour’ guide, basking in the glory of an unsanctioned entrepreneurial endeavor. Meanwhile, officials are urging the ILA to return to the bargaining table, unsure whether to offer a slew of concessions or simply throw in a lifetime supply of casual wear as a peace offering. As the situation continues to unfold, one thing is certain: the next meeting between ILA and USMX will likely include a firm agenda item regarding “dress code.” After all, if every day can be a Friday, maybe every day can also conclude with a few piña coladas.