HONG KONG - In a stunning display of legal brilliance, the Hong Kong court tried to outdo China's National Security Law by ruling that no imported lawyers may be used in pro-democracy publisher Jimmy Lai's upcoming trial. Celebrations took place in the court as the blindfolded Statue of Justice was heard giggling after her ruling. Lai, a prominent Hong Kong pro-democracy figure, and founder of the now-defunct Apple Daily, was visibly confused by the decision. "Is there an IKEA manual for this?" he pondered, as he tried and failed to assemble a British lawyer, Timothy Owen, for his case. The court's masterplan for ensuring top-notch legal counsel for Lai involved the use of a 'magical spinning wheel' to determine the appropriate counsel. Alternatively, experts in bird law could be brought in to deliberate on the case. It is rumored that Jackie Chan might be in Hong Kong, and if so, that could potentially increase the excitement and interest surrounding the trial. Government officials chimed in on the ruling, lauding the Hong Kong court's foresight and creativity. "We are glad that the court took the matter with the gravity it deserves," one official stated. "Imported lawyers are just too complicated – shipping, international taxes, language barriers… it's too risky." The Hong Kong judiciary's ban on foreign legal brains is reportedly part of a broader trend of increased devotion to the values of justice. As such, future trials will involve random jurors with a high score in the wildly popular game "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" for a more immersive justice experience. In the meantime, British lawyer Timothy Owen was last seen outside the court, struggling to understand the concept of "lawyer import and export." When asked about his feelings on being prohibited from representing Lai, Owen replied, "I wasn't aware I was part of a commodity. I always hoped I would be sold for something more expensive, like truffles or caviar." Lai now awaits trial and a life sentence, with an increased sense of optimism that he might, after all, become a trapeze artist as he always longed to be.