In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the culinary community, the quaint Kiwi village of Pieburg has officially run out of pie. Local authorities have declared a "Piedemic," as residents scramble to fill their crusts with anything they can find. Authorities are advising citizens not to panic—unless they see a squirrel with a pastry. The crisis began early Tuesday morning as Pieburg’s beloved bakery, “Crusty Crafter's,” announced its unexpected closure due to an unfortunate incident involving a rogue pastry chef and a misplaced lighter. Eyewitness reports suggest that what was supposed to be the bakery’s famous raspberry tart evolved into a flaming spectacle, causing enough of an inferno to not only singe the eyebrows off of the baker but also scorch the entire stock of delectable pies. Mayor Butterworth, known for his love of all things flaky, held an emergency press conference where he dramatically stated, “The people need pie! We cannot allow this to be a pie-less society!” He then proceeded to faint, apparently overwhelmed by a sudden craving for a meat and veggie combo. Fortunately, paramedics were close by with a granola bar, and he was revived—although his dignity, much like the pies, remains in shambles. Meanwhile, the local support group “Pies Anonymous” has seen a dramatic spike in attendance, as residents gather to grieve their lost pie and lament the tragic state of forbidden cravings. “I’ve been clean for three weeks,” said a visibly distressed former pastry addict, holding back tears. “But now? I’d pay someone to sneak me a slice of Mrs. Williams’ pumpkin pie on the side. Just a sliver! I can’t take it anymore!” To combat the crisis, Pieburg’s illustrious “Wife Swap: Pie Edition” has quickly accelerated to an emergency level, as residents barter their wares to one another in hopes of pie procurement. Granny Mildred was seen wheeling a shopping cart filled with hot cross buns, desperately offering sweet nothings in exchange for a few honest-to-goodness apple pies. Rumor has it that Pieburg’s local library has had to impose a stringent “No Pie Policy” after a series of heated lovers’ quarrels over checkout privileges between two pie enthusiasts escalated into an ancient sport known as ‘Pie Football.’ The turf remains stained in blueberry jam, a not-so-gentle reminder of what once was. In a heartwarming twist, Pieburg’s children have taken up an impromptu "Bake-Off for Survival," hosted in their local park. Contestants are asked to create pies using any ingredients available outside the supermarket—because who says you can’t bake with dandelions and acorns? The enthusiasm is palpable, as laughter fills the air, and taste buds prepare for a very questionable range of flavors. As of now, Pieburg remains in a state of pie-less emergency, with local businesses urging residents not to lose hope. The big day approaches: the Pie Festival is but weeks away! Farmers across the country are reportedly working overtime to supply enough fruit and nut fillings, while a rescue team of traveling pastry chefs is en route from as far as Timbuktu, bringing their finest recipes in hopes of restoring order—and pie—to Pieburg. With humor and camaraderie lighting the way, the townspeople are determined to reclaim their pastry heritage and reinstate pie as a staple of their existence. So let’s raise our forks to Piethrow! Soon, the town that once flourished with flaky goodness will rise again, and Pieburg shall echo with the sweet symphony of crusts once more. Because in case of emergency, call the pie police—but avert your eyes from the squirrels!