In an unprecedented move to tackle the ongoing epidemic of missing common sense, local law enforcement has announced a partnership with the town's social worker, sparking a campaign that they hope will restore rationality to an increasingly absurd world. “We’ve noticed a disturbing trend,” said Chief of Police McBaffled at a hastily arranged press conference. “Common sense has been disappearing at an alarming rate. We can’t blame it all on social media, but let’s just say that scrolling through what some people argue online feels like watching a circus with no lions—utterly without logic.” The decision to team up with Social Worker Sally Sensible comes after a series of bizarre incidents, including the town's annual hotdog-eating contest turning into a debate about the ethical implications of consuming processed meat. “In my line of work, we often deal with emotional distress, but trying to explain to someone why pineapple belongs on pizza is a whole new level,” said Sensible, shaking her head in disbelief. The duo has devised a two-pronged approach to the crisis. The first part of their strategy is a series of "Common Sense Workshops," where participants will be required to engage in straightforward activities such as “Thinking Before Spewing” and “The Art of Shutting Up.” “We need to bring people back to the basics,” Chief McBaffled explained. “For example, if it’s raining outside, you wear a raincoat, not a swimsuit. If you’re having an argument on a dating app, you don’t use ALL CAPS to make your point. That’s just madness!” To boost community involvement, they’ve also initiated “Take Back The Vote,” a series of workshops aimed at teaching townsfolk how to read beyond headlines. “The aim is not just to provide knowledge, but to actually encourage adults to use it,” said Sensible. “And we’re starting with the vital lesson of why clicking ‘Share’ on every outrageous claim isn’t a public service.” In a bold step, they’ve also launched a “Common Sense Patrol,” consisting of volunteers who will stroll the streets armed with notepads and markers. Their mission? To call out the egregious instances of nonsense in everyday life. “We’ve already tackled cases where people parked in front of the fire hydrant because they thought it was ‘just a suggestion,’” said McBaffled, visibly pleased with the response. The first case taken on by the patrol involved a viral incident wherein a local man attempted to settle a barbecue dispute via a TikTok dance-off. “You can’t just hashtag #PeacefulResolution when you’re mashing meat with moves,” Sensible retorted. “We’re not postal workers trying to get our job done to the beat of ‘Stayin’ Alive.’” Residents initially reacted with skepticism when the initiative rolled out. “I thought they were joking,” said lifelong resident Gary Guffaw. “But then I saw someone trying to convince everyone that the Earth is flat using a YouTube video—truthfully, I thought the Earth was round until that guy opened his mouth!” As the campaign gathers steam, there has been a noticeable shift in community vibes. More people are actively questioning outrageous claims and fewer are relying solely on one-liners to make their points during lunch at the diner. “It’s like a mass return to sanity,” shared one unassuming local, trying hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. In the end, while the hunt for missing common sense seems daunting, residents remain hopeful. “If we can teach one person to think before they tweet, we’re really making progress. And who knows,” said Chief McBaffled with a twinkle in his eye, “we might even find the common sense that’s been missing all along lest we drink kale smoothies while arguing about vegan cheese.” The case is ongoing, and citizens are encouraged to report any signs of reasonable thought or logic that may have been lost in the hilariously convoluted abyss of modern discourse.