In an effort to battle the impending doom of a climate apocalypse, the Guardian has launched a daring new initiative, calling upon all apathetic Earth dwellers who have resigned themselves to the catastrophic fate of our dear planet. After all, who doesn't love a good apocalypse story? Titled ‘Help the Guardian battle the climate apocalypse: because Earth is still worth fighting for’, the initiative has been announced as a desperate cry for moving past our disagreements on whether or not pineapple belongs on a pizza, to focus on the real issues - like the polar ice caps developing a melting obsession. The apocalypse, while triggering existential dread, creates a fantastic opportunity for steadfast optimists to win high-stakes bets. After all, every end brings a new beginning, even if it involves being at the top of the food chain for ravenous mutant space cockroaches. The new venture bravely ignores the derisive laughter of climate change deniers, leaping head first into the quagmire of environmental activism, all the while hoping not to contract a bad case of eco-anxiety, or worse, hippy-itis. Promising coverage of the elongated laundry list of imminent climate disasters, the Guardian is determined to uphold the mantra that ignorance is not always bliss, especially when cities start to resemble rice paddies. “The Earth is still worth fighting for,” said a somewhat disheveled and coffee-fueled Guardian representative. “Even though it seems to have taken us a while to realize that becoming second-rate real estate for Martian immigrants wasn’t the best future scenario.” Alas, the color-coded disaster charts and sleep-inducing pie graphs are not enough to sway all minds. Some critics argue that “Earth is so last millennia, anyway.” For them, enrolling in a one-way trip to Mars with SpaceX seems a far more enticing excuse to escape incessant political debates and neighborly squabbles. However, the Guardian’s all-or-nothing campaign is a rallying cry for everyone still clinging onto the shred of hope, highlighting that if nothing else, at least the impending climate disaster will unite us in our global misery. Plus, it provides endless prospects for building a collection of hipster-chic gas masks and driving around post-apocalyptic Mad-Max style. In a nutshell, the initiative reminds us that Earth is our original ride, and trading it for the unappealing prospects of consuming alien-substitute food on Mars is, frankly, a terrifying downgrade. So, let’s ditch the Martian dream, start paying heed to the climate apocalypse warnings, and, above all, remember to protect Earth because end-of-the-world parties can only be cool if there’s still a world left afterwards.