In a dazzling display of consistency, Vice President Kamala Harris has boldly declared that she never said she would ban fracking, except for those times when she absolutely did. In a recent CNN interview that had everyone wondering if they'd accidentally tuned into an Abbott and Costello routine, Harris took viewers on a whirlwind tour of her fracking philosophy as if it were an amusement park ride. During the interview, Harris confidently asserted, “No, and I made that clear on the debate stage in 2020 that I would not ban fracking.” This statement was met with a collective gasp from fact-checkers across the nation who simultaneously scrambled to locate the clips where she may or may not have suggested otherwise. As it turns out, navigating the maze of Harris' fracking history is much like trying to find an exit in a corn maze—full of twists, turns, and the overwhelming sense that you might need a map and a guide. When pressed further, Harris mused, “Now, look, I’ve been on both sides of the fracking fence like a well-trained acrobat—balancing, twirling, and occasionally falling off. But one thing is clear: I know how to play the game!” Political analysts are now contemplating whether her fracking finesse could win Olympic gold. The Vice President’s clarity on the fracking issue has certainly sparked a renewed interest in the energy topic. Some bold entrepreneurs have even started selling “Fracking, Yes No Maybe” bingo cards at rallies, allowing supporters to check off their guesses based on whatever iteration of her stance she opts to share that day. As the interview continued, Harris reiterated her commitment to a “pragmatic energy policy” that she’d like everyone to know does not include a ban on fracking—until it does. “My position on fracking is like a well-made political soufflé—light, fluffy, and ready to collapse if poked too hard,” she added with a smile, in what has been labeled by some as a masterclass in verbal gymnastics. Political opponents rapidly seized the opportunity to capitalize on the confusion, with one saying, “Harris could flip-flop for a living if this whole vice presidency thing doesn’t work out. Remember, folks, it’s not just about winning; it’s about winning with flair!” Meanwhile, environmental activists were left scratching their heads, wondering if they should prepare for a world where fracking is embraced, condemned, and cheerfully ignored all in the same breath. In the end, one thing is fairly certain: When it comes to fracking, Harris’ position may be best described as a rousing game of political charades, where everyone leaves the room more confused than when they entered.