In a spectacle that could only be described as the “Greenwashing Gala,” the city's mayoral candidates paraded their eco-friendly facades before a crowd of ardent supporters, environmental enthusiasts, and bewildered onlookers, all at the luxurious Greenleaf Convention Center— a venue built, ironically, on the ruins of an old forest. The event, billed as the “Greener Tomorrow Forum,” aimed to showcase each candidate’s commitment to sustainability. Instead, it turned into a dazzling display of environmental hypocrisy. Campaign teams adorned the venue with biodegradable glitter, solar-powered fairy lights, and bouquets of faux flowers made entirely from recycled plastic. Each candidate took to the stage, armed with talking points about eco-initiatives that they’ve “endorsed” and a penchant for sounding progressive without ever leaving their air-conditioned luxury automobiles. First up was incumbent Mayor Vivian Greenstein, whose platform hinged on the recently announced “Tree for Every Tenure” initiative. She proudly proclaimed her plan to plant a whopping ten trees each year if re-elected, a figure she assured everyone was “ambitious enough to make a difference but manageable.” Appropriately timed footage of her at the local nursery was then played on large screens. Yet, there was a notable absence of any acknowledgment about her recent support for a new shopping mall, which conveniently planned to clear out a dozen mature oaks that had provided shade to the community for decades. Her biggest rival, former tech mogul Chad “Eco-Money” Smith, took a more innovative approach by announcing his candidacy for carbon credits and launching an app that “teaches users how to offset their carbon footprints” by calculating their daily avocado toast intake. Smith, who made his fortune selling cloud computing solutions, promised that if elected, he would replace every city vehicle with electric ones, without any mention of the batteries' environmental costs or sourcing practices. His campaign swag—biodegradable plastic straws and recycled tote bags—flew off the shelves, as if to prove that being eco-conscious could come in a reusable shopping bag. Then came the surprise appearance of climate activist Jenna Fields, who was reported to be on the verge of throwing in her political hat after she discovered that running for office meant cozying up to the very corporations she had once protested. This week, she announced her official support for an oil company’s new “eco-friendly” project to tap into a green-washed fracking endeavor titled “Natural Harmony.” Fields that evening attempted to spin her change of heart, but it seemed even her most devoted followers were confused as they eyed the complimentary oil-slicked hors d'oeuvres being served. The event's low point, however, was reached during the Q&A session, where a brave audience member dared to question the candidates about their past environmental voting records. The moment was awkwardly deflected, with each candidate pivoting to discuss how they felt “deeply connected” to the earth. Discussions about funding cuts to public transport were overshadowed by conversations about their commitment to ensuring every citizen had recycled paper to write their complaints on. As candidates shook hands and took selfies with their environmentally conscious props, the crowd applauded enthusiastically, their signs proclaiming each hopeful's supposed commitment to sustainability. The evening culminated in the release of biodegradable balloons—a gesture designed for impact but one that would likely have the unintended consequence of littering the skies. In the end, the Greenwashing Gala proved one undeniable truth: in politics, being “green” is merely a hue, and for these hopefuls, it appears they are more interested in being seen than being sustainable. With the elections just around the corner, the city's future looks as murky as the recycled wine glasses that littered the hall—sparkling on the surface, but perhaps harboring a deeper layer of pollution underneath.