In what seems to be another example of Mother Nature's blatant disregard for the global economy, Greenland's ice marketplace has taken a severe downturn, with a jaw-dropping 30 million tons of icy capital being lost every hour. Call it the ultimate ice bucket challenge or a truly cold case for global investors, this rapidly sinking market has left economic seers wondering, "Who the heck is buying?" Coming amidst a series of unfortunate natural disasters, it appears that the financial industry is failing to appreciate the enormity of the situation. Analysts seem to be more interested in spotting the next unicorn stock while completely overlooking the screaming iceberg ahead. "I was going to invest in a tech unicorn but now I'm thinking twice," says Stanley Frostbite, a mate at Iceberg Capital. "We've been so caught up in chasing the hot sectors, we've completely ignored the frigidly exciting opportunities in the ice market. This meltdown is a wake-up call." Environmentalists, however, have a different perspective. Where financial analysts see an economic catastrophe, climate change advocates view a ticking ecological time bomb. "What does it take to make the business world realize?” stressed Elsa Weatherwax, an angered environmentalist. “In a few years, we might be having the ‘polo bear market crash’, except there won't be any bears left, or any polos for that matter!” In a bid to salvage the situation, the Greenland government has been desperately shouting through snowy rooftops to lure investors, hoping to freeze the current state of affairs. "Come and get it while it's hot...err...cold!" is the latest marketing blunder from Greenland’s Ice Genie Corporation, which has so far only served to further confuse potential investors. In the words of Jack Frost, an industry expert, "There's no easy way to sugarcoat this. It's like catching a snowflake in a heating vent.” Meanwhile, in a surprising turn of events, hotshot Californian tech gurus, normally known to chase the latest buzz in artificial intelligence, fintech, and cryptocurrencies are suddenly showing an unusual interest here. "Why invest in Bitcoins when I can have Icecoins? Better to stockpile these sub-zero assets now before they are completely off the book. Now, that's disruptive!" says Icy Steve, a Silicon Valley veteran. It remains unclear whether this venture will rescue the melting Greenlandic economy or simply leave investors with a lot of water on their hands. Indeed, the world holds its breath (and mist) as this chilling saga in the Arctic unfolds. "Honestly", says a rueful broker, bobble-hat pulled low over his ears, "blow the stock market, I'm investing in sunblock and inflatable rafts." One thing's for sure, as the global community collectively scratches its chilly head over the Greenland Ice Market Crash, the term "liquidity crisis" just took on a whole new meaning.