In a stark turn of events, food critics and environmentalists have joined forces to lament the disappearance of traditional fishy dishes from menus worldwide due to overfishing. Long gone are the days when one could enjoy a hearty bowl of Senegalese thiebou jienne or a gory helping of shark fin soup - all because humanity has decided that sustaining our oceans' ecosystems and preserving marine life is somehow more important than indulging in these delectable delights. In the Bahamas, the once-ubiquitous conch-themed dishes have been cast aside as the government scrambles to save the culinary symbol of their nation - the marine snail. From conch fritters to conch salads, the absence of conch is causing widespread panic among the island's residents, many of whom are suddenly realizing they now have to turn to plant-based alternatives or (gasp) sustainably-caught seafood options. But the devastation doesn't stop there: Senegal, a bastion of tradition and piscatorial paradise, has witnessed their communities' collective heartbreak as the demand for thiebou jienne, a rice and fish dish, has outpaced the replenishing of their fish stocks. The greedy ocean, determined to put a damper on Senegalese celebrations, has swallowed up the very essence of their culture in the form of grouper, sea bass, and other local fish delicacies. In Japan, the crisis has reached unthinkable proportions as sushi chefs now have to rely on "alternative" ingredients to replace familiar favorites like bluefin tuna. Desperation has led them to use such culinary abominations as vegetables and sustainably-sourced seafood, leaving a generation of sushi aficionados weeping into their wasabi. Some even dare to say they'd prefer their dining experiences be devoid of any marine life, but luckily, these radicals have not yet overtaken tradition. And who could ignore the somber reality in China, where shark fin soup has been the go-to choice for opulent feasts dating back hundreds of years? Now guests of affluent Chinese weddings will be deprived of this illustrious dish, all because a few people thought it would be a good idea to protect the shark population. The generations that will grow up without tasting the sweet gelatinous texture of shark fins will undoubtedly feel a pang of regret at their ancestors' decision to prioritize the environment over their stomachs. All around the world, it's become evident that the noble pursuit of unsustainable seafood consumption has suffered a severe blow at the hands of reason and ecology. Despite some brave individuals fighting to ignore growing concerns for collapsing ecosystems and dwindling food resources, the Earth and its misguided inhabitants have determined that preserving marine life is, for some incomprehensible reason, the more responsible choice.