As millions prepare for a celestial event of epic proportions, local stargazers are busy over-blowing expectations for the upcoming double feature: a supermoon and a partial lunar eclipse, whimsically dubbed "Harvest Moon Hits the Red Carpet." Residents have been gearing up all week, stockpiling snacks and confirming their viewing spots. Many are declaring their backyards the official “best vantage point,” despite having no knowledge of how lunar phases work or the fact that their neighbors are likely hosting the same party. One enthusiast, sporting a homemade moon t-shirt, exclaimed, "I've been waiting all year for this! I can almost feel the gravitational pull of the excitement!" Astrologers have also hopped on the fame train, promising that the Harvest Moon will cure all problems and grant wishes — if only viewers offer a sacrifice of some organic kale and chant “moondust” three times. Social media is ablaze with hashtags like #SuperHarvestEclipse and #LunaLoverSquad, with influencers eagerly posting selfies against the backdrop of their dimly lit backyard, holding dramatic poses as if they were starlets on an actual red carpet. At the same time, schoolchildren armed with poorly crafted cardboard telescopes are staging who-knows-what kind of lunar science projects, outraged that their teachers have yet again conflated “supermoon” with “superhero.” “Why can’t the moon just wear a cape? It’s high time our celestial bodies get with the program and embrace the comic book aesthetic,” lamented eight-year-old Timmy, who has since decided he's the official ‘Moon Ambassador.’ Meanwhile, scientists have issued a few humble notes about the eclipse. “Please remember,” stated Dr. Luna Bright, “this is a partial eclipse, not a total ‘moon disappearance’ or some intergalactic heist. We haven’t lost the moon; it’s just playing shy behind Earth’s shadow.” In response, social media users promised to host candlelight vigils for the moon, just in case. Local news outlets are on full alert, reporting live from various neighborhoods in a valiant attempt to catch any signs of astral chaos or moon conspiracy theories. Reports of ‘moon cults’ are already surfacing. “We’ve noticed increased parking in front of the nearby park and an unusual number of locals facing the sky with bewildered looks — it’s all very suspicious,” noted a concerned resident whose dog has also been acting strangely, perhaps in solidarity. As the night of the astronomical extravaganza approaches, communities are uniting in wild anticipation, turning their attention to the moon, which most will probably only remember as “that bright thing up there.” The Harvest Moon and its accompanying lunar eclipse are scheduled for September 17, and as humanity gathers around its TVs, phones, and telescope apps, we can only hope that the moon will indeed grant us starry wishes — or at the very least, some good Instagram stories. So grab your popcorn, tune into the cosmic spectacle, and remember: it’s just a moon, people!