In a stunning display of athletic prowess and questionable life choices, world number three Coco Gauff handily dispatched seventh seed Mirra Andreeva at the Italian Open, leaving fans wondering if the tournament organizers had mistakenly scheduled a tennis match instead of a pre-season bake-off. Gauff, exhibiting skills that could only be rivaled by seasoned professionals and a few overly ambitious toddlers, cruised to a 6-4 7-6(5) victory, proving yet again that if you place a racket in her hands, she will likely turn it into a weapon of mass destruction—at least for her opponents. Andreeva, looking every bit the bewildered deer caught in headlights, struggled valiantly against Gauff's relentless serve and court coverage. The tiebreak featured several high-stakes moments, with both players gripping their rackets as though they were the only thing keeping them from plummeting into an existential crisis. Gauff finally triumphed, leaving Andreeva wondering if her dreams of victory had been filed under “too ambitious” along with her plans for a mid-life crisis starting at 22. “Yeah, it was a real nail-biter,” Gauff said, glancing at her perfectly manicured nails now painted with 57 shades of ‘Victory’. “In the tiebreak, it really came down to who could make the least amount of terrible choices under pressure. Mirra made some, and I just watched and capitalized.” With this victory, Gauff not only secured her place in the semi-finals for the second year in a row, but also proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she can fend off the challenges of all women — including, but not limited to, her high school homework and the nature of human relationships. Next up is a showdown with either world number one Aryna Sabalenka, who is currently auditioning for a role as a supervillain, or the eighth seed Zheng Qinwen, whose ultimate superpower remains a mystery as the tournament rolls on. Gauff, however, remains unfazed, stating, “At this point, I’m just here for the gelato and the overpriced Italian snacks.” Meanwhile, officials continue to monitor the competition closely, wondering if they should have included a mental health section leading up to the semi-finals. After all, in the cutthroat world of women’s tennis, the only thing deadlier than a backhand is a semi-finalist pondering their life decisions post-match.