In a bold move that’s shaking up the world of activism, a new wave of protesters has emerged, capitalizing on the recent climate catastrophes sweeping the globe. It seems that nothing screams “I care about the planet” quite like wearing the ashes of a once-thriving forest as a statement necklace. Yes, dear citizens, welcome to the age where personal branding has truly met environmental disaster! With wildfires raging in one hemisphere and floods washing away entire towns in another, activists are scrambling not just to save the planet, but to market themselves as the go-to influencers for eco-conscious despair. Forget about complicated policies and sound arguments; the real winners are those who can craft the best social media post while standing knee-deep in a toxic wasteland. “If it’s not on Instagram, did it even happen?” posed one protester as she adjusted her handmade “Nature is Dying But So Am I” hoodie for maximum visibility. Local thrift shops are reveling in the newfound popularity of disaster chic, as sad, tattered clothing becomes the latest symbol of solidarity with climate victims. “I used to think I was poor, but now I realize I was just ahead of the trend,” said a shopper combing through discarded raincoats that previously belonged to survivors of last year’s hurricane. “Nothing shows empathy quite like recycling someone’s tragedy into a fashion statement.” Of course, the performance art doesn’t stop at clothing. Large gatherings of climate activists are now being headlined by “live re-enactments” of environmental disasters complete with props, dramatic music, and—of course—a highly curated snack selection that includes organic, gluten-free, and ethically sourced charcuterie boards. “The tidal wave scenes are breathtaking, but have you tried the seaweed tapenade?” asked one organizer, clearly prioritizing taste in the face of rising sea levels. The protests have also attracted big sponsors, as corporations eager to show they care jump on the bandwagon of eco-activism. Companies like Fossil Fuels R Us are throwing money at protest signs emblazoned with phrases like “Make America Green Again” — because nothing says dedication to the cause like funding it with fossil fuel profits. “We’re just here to support the community,” said a spokesperson, while nervously glancing at their burning coal plant in the background. Critics may say that these activists are simply using climate change as the latest trend because it’s trendy, but they’d be wrong. “This isn’t a trend; it’s a lifestyle choice,” insisted a young activist who just purchased a Tesla to help “fight against” climate change, all while leaving the engine idling for optimal video content. “I’m saving the planet one TikTok at a time. The ocean may be rising, but so is my follower count!” And while some may argue that climate activism should be taken seriously, the new generation of protesters has firmly decided that style and engagement are the real keys to genuine change. “You can’t save the planet unless you look fabulous doing it,” wrapped up one protester, as she prepared to launch her new line of eco-friendly leggings made from recycled plastic straws. So, as we watch the world burn and drown, remember that every hashtag helps—and every influencer counts. After all, it takes a village to not just save the climate, but to profit from the ensuing mayhem in the most stylish, attention-grabbing way possible.