Once upon a time in the verdant hills of Ireland, there existed a royal abode known as Killiney Castle. A majestic 18th-century manor that whispered tales of high tea with the lords and ladies, and perhaps a ghost or two haunting the hallways for good measure. Little did the fine residents know that time would bestow upon them a fate that would not be a proper medieval banquet but instead an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet! Welcome, dear friends, to the captivating saga of the Fitzpatrick Castle Hotel — formerly Killiney Castle, but now proudly boasting a new title: “The Manor to Margherita Experience”. Picture, if you will, the grandeur that once radiated from the castle’s fine dining room, where the snooty elite slurped their bisque and pretended to understand the difference between sherry and port. Now, wander into that very same space, and behold! A bright neon sign glowing like a beacon of culinary hope: “Pizzas & Pints - Hereford to Hawaii!” For the price of one entry ticket, guests can experience the ambiance of an 18th-century castle while munching on an assortment of pepperoni-studded dreams. Truly, the synergy of regality and grease is something to behold! As you gaze into the secrets of the castle—now equipped with menu boards that could rival the ancient scrolls of yore—you’ll find charming tributes to both traditional Irish fare and pizza innovation. Consider “The Gaelic Green,” a pizza topped with Dublin bay prawns, unexpected dollops of soda bread crumble, and a healthy drizzle of what’s definitely not Guinness-infused sauce. It’s history on a plate! Don’t worry; if the pizza-making fails to impress, there’s always the classic “Mount Malpas Meat Lover,” which is essentially an edible homage to the poetic wars of yonder that ended when everyone agreed bacon makes everything better. Now, let’s not disregard the ambiance—true to its historic roots, the Fitzpatrick Castle Hotel retains the ornamentation of its primeval past while swapping chandeliers for string lights and portraits of long-dead earls for gigantic murals of pepperoni slices. As the troubadours of the past would regale tales of brave knights and fair lady loves, modern diners can relish the melodious tunes of a local pizzeria DJ, mixing raucous Irish bop with the navigational instructions for the latest pizza app. It’s a confluence of cultures where one may sample a slice while debating whether or not ferrying across the Liffey for a pint of the real stuff is worth the hike. And what of the castle’s original throne room, you ponder? It now doubles as a family-friendly arcade! Kids scream in delight, hitting virtual bowling pins while their parents laugh over half-eaten garlic bread knots — after all, what better way to distract from the tragic loss of noble lineage than an enthralling game of digital skee-ball? Even the spirits of the castle must be entertained as they watch over jolly patrons embracing the revolutionary fusion of medieval majesty and culinary chaos. Ah, and let’s not forget the unparalleled “Castle Craft” pizza-making workshops — a fine attempt to enrich budding culinary enthusiasts with royal pizza skills. Under the tutelage of overzealous chefs with enough enthusiasm to rival a young squire in pursuit of valor, everyone can earn a “Certified Pizzaiolo” badge before retreating back to their mundane lives. Brave would-be knights wielding dough instead of swords will arm themselves to combat the dreaded “takeaway” defeats—with considerable amounts of cheese, of course! As the sun sets upon the old castle, washing its once austere stones in a soft golden glow, the night wraps itself around Fitzpatrick Castle Hotel as families carry on, with pizza boxes in tow, reminiscing about the castle that was and the slices that shall forever change the face of Irish hospitality. So, if you’re ever gallivanting through County Dublin in search of epic tales of yore, or simply a slice of perfection (hold the need for a fork and knife!), make a pilgrimage to this gastronomical marvel where manors become Margheritas, and evenings of revelry refuse to bow to mediocrity. After all, Kilkenny may have its legendary games, but none compare to the epic conquest of pizza in a castle turned hotel—an experience that, dare we say, is fit for a king or at least a very hungry tourist.