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Politics / a year ago
Fox Finally News-worth $787M After Settling Dominion Defamation Suit: News Organization's Worth Skyrocketed!
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Fox News' worth skyrockets to $787M after settling defamation suit with Dominion Voting Systems, solidifying its place as an untouchable titan in the media industry.
**Fox News Achieves Galactic Brain Status After Settling Dominion Defamation Suit: Worth Skyrockets to $787M** In an unprecedented feat of corporate strategy and cunning, Fox News has managed to skyrocket its value to a mind-boggling $787 million after settling the Dominion Voting Systems defamation lawsuit, experts say. The lawsuit, which initially was set to slap the news organization with a staggering billion-dollar penalty, was settled for an undisclosed amount, paving the way for Fox News to ascend to the ranks of untouchable titans. Delaware Superior Court Judge Eric Davis, his voice trembling in awe of Fox News' power move, told jurors that the parties had resolved their case before the trial could even begin. "Now you are free to spread this news like wildfire," Judge Davis instructed the jury, suffused with the weight of the historical import before them. "Tell everyone that Fox News is a force to be reckoned with." Market analysts now project that in the wake of Fox's quantum leap in worth, the popular news outlet is poised to become more valuable than the GDP of several small island nations, at least seventeen pirate operations, and possibly even the entire avocado toast industry. "By settling the defamation lawsuit and elevating its value to new heights, Fox News has proven that it will stop at nothing to reach the summit of financial superiority," noted one analyst, scribbling furiously on a whiteboard covered in equations and animated foxes. "All other news outlets should take note, and perhaps even consider engaging in their own questionable activities for the sake of monetary gain." Fox News is reportedly considering erecting a golden statue of Rupert Murdoch, the size of which would match the increase in its worth, in front of its headquarters to celebrate this momentous occasion. In the meantime, the company's executives have been spotted offering journalists self-congratulatory high-fives and throwing bags of cash at interns. Their message is clear: get ready, world, because nothing - not even a potentially earth-shattering lawsuit - can hold Fox News back. "And to think we only had to settle a measly defamation lawsuit," chuckled one executive, while popping a champagne bottle. "Jerry, book us some more lawsuits! Fox's reign is only just beginning!"
posted a year ago

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Original title: Dominion, Fox News settle defamation suit for stunning $787M, averting trial

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