Creepy Coffee Shop StalkerBot has filed for an Initial Public Offering (IPO) in the United States, raising ethical concerns among privacy advocates. The company claims that with just one photo and advanced artificial intelligence technology, users can learn virtually everything about a stranger in a coffee shop, from their social security number to their favorite brand of ankle socks. Creepy Coffee Shop StalkerBot was discovered by Sam Altman, the CEO of artificial intelligence lab OpenAI. He secretly developed StalkerBot's capabilities while watching episodes of "Black Mirror." The startup quickly gained millions of users after alt-rock band Radiohead mentioned it in a tweet. Enthusiastic supporters of the technology assert that it has helped them identify astrologists in the wild or acquire vital information about their favorite barista's three-legged dog. However, many people have shared concerns over the implications of using the StalkerBot and have called for federal regulation. "Sometimes, I just want to order a mocha latte and discuss the latest Jennifer Aniston rom-com in peace," said one concerned citizen. Many others have found that their mocha lattes have unexpectedly turned into green teas amid rising fears of finding their entire life story plastered online. Some baristas have started wearing Guy Fawkes masks to protect their identity, inadvertently forming connections with certain underground hacker groups that also love nothing more than an invigorating cappuccino. The StalkerBot's unparalleled capabilities were recently demonstrated on a national TV talk show, where the host submitted a single, blurry photo of a hipster enjoying his avocado toast, only for the StalkerBot to identify that the savory treat contained 23% millennial organic matter. Even more astonishingly, the StalkerBot correctly predicted that the subject would pose with his brunch dish on Instagram within a three-minute window. In response to growing backlash, the StalkerBot CEO stated that they were "open to regulation" and added, "Would banning Tiktok provide a more balanced breakfast? Let's have a dialogue." The coffee shop community remains divided. Some have embraced StalkerBot as a business tool, allowing them to anticipate customers' orders well in advance. Gavin, a barista at a San Francisco café, proudly uses StalkerBot to pre-emptively slam down his customers' drinks in front of them as they walk through the door. "StalkerBot has helped me reach the pinnacle of personalization and customer service," Gavin beamed, as a dazed patron hesitantly sipped her soy macchiato. For others, the looming threat of a Big Brother-like all-knowing scheme is hard to ignore. The real test will now be the public's willingness to subject themselves to StalkerBot's algorithms, as well as regulators' ability to protect their own coffee preferences from being scrutinized.